The Authentic Self: Self Assessment - Barry and Janae Weinhold

Use this quiz to assess your current progress in the four stages of moving toward an authentic life:

Codependent
Counterdependent
Independent
Interdependent

For each item below, rate yourself from 1-5. A 5 indicates that you feel you have accomplished this and a 1 indicates that you have a long way to go to accomplish this.

1. Show up and tell your truth. Walk your talk and be “radically present” in everything you do in your life. Speak your truth and be vulnerable and transparent. Keep no hidden agendas.

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2. Have fun. Find ways to enjoy life to its fullest. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously and keep your sense of humor.

1 2 3 4 5

3. Ask directly for what you want & need. Be direct and straight forward in asking for what you want directly rather than manipulating others into giving it to you. Expect others to do the same.

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4. Connect the dots. Identify what happened to you as a child that still impacts your life. Do personal archeology to learn all you can about your childhood and how it has shaped your adult relationships and life.

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5. Regulate your emotions. Calm yourself and quickly “regain your composure” when something upsets you.

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6. Know where you end and others begin. You are able to establish and maintain a clear sense of your boundaries in close relationships.

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7. Engage in radical self-care. Make taking good care of your own physical, mental, emotional, energy and spiritual “selves” your number one priority. Do not let anything get in the way of this.

1 2 3 4 5

Here is a sample text section.

Keep all your agreements with others. If you need to change an agreement, contact the person(s) with whom you made an agreement and renegotiate it in a way that is acceptable to both of you.

1 2 3 4 5

Resolve your conflicts directly. Resolve conflicts of wants or needs in a cooperative, partnership way. Use dialogue skills rather than debate for resolving conflicts involving values or beliefs. Don’t triangulate.

1 2 3 4 5

Live a life of “harmony and balance.” Develop all your talents and keep them balanced so that one overshadows the others. Strive for harmony and balance between work and play, and between serving yourself and serving others.

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Be patient with yourself and others. Maintain good feelings about yourself and others when either you or someone else “screws up.” Avoid harsh judgments and “splitting” against yourself or others.

1 2 3 4 5

Heal your traumas and betrayals. This is probably the most difficult and also most important thing to master. Heal your father and mother wounds and their role in your childhood traumas and betrayals. This is essential for creating satisfying, intimate and sustainable relationships, and reducing undue stress on your immune system.

1 2 3 4 5

Feel and express your emotions. Share your deepest feelings with others, in appropriate ways. Learn the correct function of each of your feelings and use them to effectively to help you solve problems, make decisions.

1 2 3 4 5

Commit to taking back your projections. Learn the signs indicating that you are projecting something about yourself onto another person. Learn to claim (give back or “re-own”) any shadow parts of yourself that you have been rejecting by projecting them on others.

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Stay centered. Stay centered in whatever you do. Recognize when you are pulled off-center and quickly return to center. This skill is an indicator of your psychological health.

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Listen with an open heart. Deep listening to others and yourself requires having an open heart and being present to receive them and what they are telling you. This also helps in listening to yourself and becoming more self-reflective.

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Come from “knowing” rather than believing. Develop your “inner knowing” skills in order to access your feelings and the intuitive guidance you need to live more authentically.

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Surrender. Allow other people’s truth to penetrate your defenses. “Receive without resistance” what others say to you. Open your heart fully and let it guide your responses.

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Trust your gut and follow your destiny. Listen to and trust the voice inside of you. Use it to create the life you want and develop the courage to take the risks this requires.

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Balance your internal masculine and feminine parts. Learn to be strong and tender and use either or both depending what the situation calls for.

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Love fearlessly and unconditionally. Love yourself and others unconditionally. Examine your fears through the lens of love. Remember, love is your best weapon to conquer your fears.

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Identify the mythic aspects of your life. Myths and archetypes provide invisible patterns for learning life lessons at a deeper level. Identify the mythic elements in your life that show up in both your dreams and your waking life.

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Cooperate with others to get all your wants and needs met. Negotiate with others to get your wants and needs met in a cooperative, partnership way without interfering with the needs of others. Refuse to feel “victimized” by others.

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Participate in regular spiritual practices. Prayer is asking the big questions, and meditation is listening for the big answers. Cultivate a sustained relationship with a power greater than yourself.

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Develop and sustain close intimate relationships. Initiate, develop and sustain close friendships, and an intimate love relationship with a partner without fear of abandonment or engulfment.

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Find something bigger than yourself to give your life purpose and meaning. Initiate or participate in service projects that benefit others, either as a professional or as a volunteer. Identify a well-defined purpose for your life that involves serving others and the forces of human evolution.

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Live a self-directed life. “Take charge of your life without guilt and shame.” Master being an independent person while also sustaining intimacy with friends and loved ones.

1 2 3 4 5