Make a list of the significant betrayals in your life. You can make the list chronological, starting with the earliest one you can remember, or you can arrange your list from the most significant down to the least significant. You only need a few words to describe each event: “The time when _____ happened.”
After you have listed all these events, go back and examine each betrayal using the following questions:
- What were the predominant feelings you had then and have now
- Which sterile choices did you make in dealing with this betrayal
- What illusions, misperceptions, or expectations contributed to the betrayal
- What other choices could you have made in this betrayal situation
- What new choices still exist for you in this betrayal situation
- What lessons did you learn as a result of this betrayal
- What, if any, important benefits came out of this betrayal experience
- Have you had similar kinds of betrayals If so, what were the common elements in these betrayals
- How do they form a pattern
- Which betrayals do you feel you have successfully resolved
- How did you do that Which betrayals have you not healed
- What opportunities still exist to heal or resolve these
After you have answered the above questions, make a second list of the times when you were the betrayer. Answer the following questions as honestly as possible:
- What were the most prevalent feelings involved in your betrayals
- How did you deal with each betrayal
- What were the short-term and long-term effects of the betrayal on you
- What were the short-term and long-term effects of the betrayal on the other person involved
- What could you have done instead of betraying the other person
- What, if any, benefits did you receive as a result of the betrayal
- What, if any, unfinished business do you think still exists with each of your betrayals
- What actions do you still need to take to clear any unfinished business left over from any of your betrayals
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