Uncategorized Archives - Barry and Janae Weinhold

We Proudly Announce the Launch of our THREE Beautifully Redesigned Websites

October 15, 2018 Barry & Janae Weinhold Leave a Comment

Up, Up and Away!

Carl Donovan and Aric Rohner, our long-time Asheville, NC tech team at Opus Marketplace, have given our sites fresh new looks, and did a super job of reorganizing them to better meet your needs.

They’ve streamlined the menus, simplified the navigation, built a more responsive layout for all three sites, and made the information about our projects, programs, resources, products and services much more accessible.

We invite you to visit and explore each of these three sites, and discover the full spectrum of materials we’ve created that from our many years of developmental research in our “LOVE-atory.”

coprofdevcenter.org

This is the website for The Colorado Professional Development Center. It provides resources for healthcare professionals who are interested in information and training related to identifying, treating and healing developmental trauma.

weinholds.org

This website contains information and resources for non-professionals who are interested in healing developmental trauma. Constructed around a “journey” theme, it breaks the healing process down into individual, couple and family journeys.

cicrcl.org

This is the website for our nonprofit tax-exempt institute. Here we describe the scope of our almost 35 years of developmental research, describe our 28 years of cross-cultural research and humanitarian work in Ukraine, and sell our many books.

freakedoutnomore.info

Our fourth website brings together a lot of information to help you understand the cause of freak-out episodes, particularly triggers that are related to unhealed developmental trauma. It contains a lot of resources to help you FREAK OUT NO MORE!

Sign Up to Stay in Touch!

We will be using these four sites to share updated and relevant information about developmental psychology and developmental trauma.

Each site has it’s own newsletter sign-up link so that you receive targeted information from us.

If you have any questions or feedback you would like to share with us, please fill out the Contact Us form on each site.

We look forward to your feedback about our new sites and staying connected!

Warm regards,

Barry & Janae

LOVEvolution: LOVE = Evolution

September 21, 2018 Edralene Esguerra Leave a Comment

Our Theory of LOVEvolution

Our theory of LOVEvolution is based on the principles of vibrational frequency. It recognizes that all energy can be measured and assigned a frequency that ranges between total apathy (not hate) and unconditional love. Energy coming from anger, shame, judgment and fear, for example, all rank very low on this scale, while the frequency of unconditional love is very high. Understanding and using the principle of vibrational frequencies can help you make choices about how you use your energy in your relationship with yourself and with others. These choices determine whether you grow or die, evolve or devolve.

Understanding LOVEvolution helps you make meaning of the experiences and events in your life. Once you understand how your relational interactions with others help or hinder your evolution and the evolution of others, you can consciously choose the frequency level of your interactions. The principles of LOVEvolutionhelp you experience the order in your world, that they are not random. They only seem that way only because of your limited perception. Once you are able to consciously use the principles of LOVEvolution, it becomes possible to experience life as unified. It feels more organized because it is constructed using biological patterns that have specific formulas, values and beliefs. In other words, LOVEvolution provides a framework and language for understanding the evolution of not only yourself, but everyone and everything around you.

The concept of LOVEvolution describes and explains how life evolves because of the presence and power of unconditional love in both the seen and unseen worlds. Our theory of LOVEvolution says that love is the force that drives evolution. Evolution happens when any biological structure becomes so filled with LOVE that it will divide and create more cells to hold it.

The concept of LOVEvolution is based on the principle that unconditional love is a subtle or invisible energy that connects the world of spirit and the world of matter. The power of unconditional love is so strong that it helps weave together our heart-felt desires and dreams with the basic elements of the universe so that our dreams and desires manifest themselves in our lives. In other words, unconditional love serves as a kind of glue between the unmanifest world of spirit and the manifest world of matter.

How LOVEvolution Happens

LOVEvolution happens when the love between two people expands so much that they want to create something together that is outside of themselves to contain their overflowing love for each other. This might be a child or some creative project such as a beautiful home, a garden, a book, a painting or an experience such as a pilgrimage.

Energetic exchanges between humans and between humans and other living kingdoms (animals, plants, minerals, Earth) that involve unconditional love create circles of love. These circles, also known as partnering relationships, reinforce the relationship and make it stronger.

Partnering relationships containing long-term exchanges of the high-vibrational frequency of unconditional love help raise the frequency of both parties to a higher level. They also raise the vibrational frequency of those who come in contact with them directly or indirectly through exchanges of energy, such as reading their books, viewing videos, or listening to podcasts that transmit unconditional love energy.

Conversely, adversarial relational exchanges containing lower frequencies such as anger, judgment and fear, cause devolution in everyone involved in the interactions.

For a more complete explanation of LOVEvolution, check out Janae’s book, LOVEvolution: A Heart-Centered Approach for Healing Developmental Trauma.

The Real Men Book Series – eBooks

October 28, 2014 Stella Leave a Comment

What Is The Real Men Book Series?

The Real Men book series consists of four eBooks and Print On Demand paperback books designed to help men develop their feminine side. Men are largely unaware of their feminine side that has been denigrated by many in our modern world. Real Men is a series of books that addresses what men need to do to become fully mature and effective.

Advertising on television tries to define “real men” as those who drive expensive cars, select the right razor, or use the best after shave lotion. I am defining “real men” as those who have developed and integrated both the masculine side and their feminine side of their personality. For men in our culture, developing their feminine side is like eating dog food. It is distasteful and forbidden. What men do with their feminine side when this happens is project it onto the women in their lives and let them carry it. This leaves men operating as one-half a person.

I am writing a series of four books about the feminine side of men that they have ignored. Since men make most of the money and hold most of the power positions in our modern world, it is important to see the damage that men have incurred as a result of operating as only half a person. I know many men, if they really let themselves feel it, have lots of guilt and shame about the mistakes they have made that may have hurt others.

That is what I intend to do in these books, is to show men what they can gain by developing and integrating their feminine side. I know what I have gained by doing this work and I believe other men will also. We desperately need both men and women who have fully developed their masculine and feminine sides. Actually, what we see most often are examples of men and women acting out of the immature versions of both their masculine and feminine characteristics. The effects of the limited capabilities of men and women are often tragic. The four books in this series are tentatively titled as follows:

The Male Mother: The Missing Skill Set For Fathers

The Male Mother archetype represents a life giver who nurtures humanity while the Warrior archetype clears the space for renewal and change. The Male Mother, in contrast to the Warrior, uses peaceful negotiations to resolve conflicts with others.

The Male Mother forgives his enemies and does not judge his adversaries. The Male Mother’s prototype is the nurturing mother, but he performs this role in a distinctly different way. There are shadows here as well: the rejecting or devouring male mother, or the martyr.

The Servant Leader: What the World Needs Now

The Servant Leader is the humble servant of the people and the most important person responsible for the safety and wellbeing of society. History and art have shown that every society must have a wise and humble leader who is entrusted with guiding his people to success and safety.

The Servant Leader’s responsibilities are many, but so are the benefits and virtues. And if the Servant Leader fails in his duties, traditionally he is ousted from office. His immature or shadow sides are arrogance and ego fulfillment.

The Wise Elder: The Missing Skill Set For Male Elders

He represents Logos, which, according to Jung, also is a feminine principle. He is the archetype behind a multitude of professions like doctors, lawyers, teachers and clergy. He mentors younger men using the wisdom he has gained through his experiences. By using his intuition he is able to see the unseen.

He is the mediator and communicator of secret knowledge, the healer, counselor, teacher, and spiritual guide. The Wise Elder always has the possibility of abusing his power by denying his shadow aspects. He becomes instead the frightening negative force, the witch or warlock.

The Open-Hearted Lover: The Missing Skill Set For Male Lovers

This archetype, embodying the feminine principle Eros, manifests in the energy and fertility of nature. By combining Eros and Logos, the resulting creative energy is the consequence of the synergy of Jung’s anima/animus union. Male lovers are at ease with their own deepest feelings and their most central values and visions.

Only through supporting the union of our feminine and the masculine sides can our culture prosper and grow. The Open-Hearted Lover embraces the “we,” not the “me” in relationships and society. The shadow of the Lover is impotent, sterile and without compassion. He also can destroy spiritual connections between people with just one cynical remark.

The Male Mother Book

One of the first challenges many men face is being able to be an effective father for their children. I have yet to meet a father who feels like he was well equipped for the job. Showing up is a big part of the job. Most father don’t really show up for their children and carry guilt and shame about it. Unless they clear that guilt or shame they run the risk of their children having a relationship with their guilt and not with them.

This book presents a more complete picture of a mature adult father in our culture. It is rare that fathers get this kind of information. Many men do not even know what a mature father looks like, because our culture paints men as macho, dominant, non-feeling critters. It also supports men who run away from, and denigrate the feminine aspects of their personality, such as being in touch with their feelings and seeking committed, equal relationships.

However, my research suggests there is a rapidly emerging trend among younger men in our culture that supports men who are interested in developing and integrating their feminine side. I am excited to be able to present a roadmap of the emerging feminine side of your development for you to follow.

Many men silently carry quilt and shame about what they did or did not do raising their children. This book shows fathers how to overcome their perceived failings as a father and shows them the skiils they need to correct any earlier mistakes they may have made as a father. Fathers need the learn some of the following Male Mother skills:

Display genuine empathy toward their children when they are experiencing deep emotions.
Speak and act in ways that nurture their children.
Show compassion toward their children even when they oppose their father’s ideas or requests.
Look their children in the eyes and connect with them as separate human beings.
Forgive their children’s failings without judgment.
Give them emotional support, mirroring and unconditional love.
Negotiate to get their needs met without diminishing the needs of their children.
Create a lifestyle that models life-giving values, beliefs and behaviors toward humans, plants, animals and all creatures that are vulnerable and dependent.
Access to the “wisdom of the heart” or intuition to guide his decisions.

The Four Initiations a Father Must Facilitate For His Children

I am proposing is that if you as a father were equipped with the male mother skills presented in this book, you could facilitate four important “initiations” for your children to give them the secure foundation they need to become responsible, mature adults.

The four initiations are

Cutting the Cord: Creating the Divine Family Triangle
Facilitating the Completion of the Psychological Birth of Your Children.
Helping Your Children Achieve Mastery of Everyday Tasks.
Helping Your Children Learn Negotiation Skills to Get Their Needs Met and How to Cooperate with Others.

This book shows you the essential skills and understandings you need to be effective as a father to your children. Even if your children are older, it is never too late to provide this support for them. Once you know what to do, you can find ways to fill in the developmental gaps in your children. One thing is for sure; they always will be your children no matter how old they are. It is never too late to relate to your children or grandchildren as a Male Mother.

The Male Mother book is also available as a Print On Demand (POD) paperback book through Amazon/ClearSpace. All of the other books in this series will be available as e-Books and as POD book.

The Con Job Book Series

May 7, 2013 Consciousness Leave a Comment

About the Con Job Book Series:

This series of three mind-stretching books are written for people who give life—people who are innocent, naíve, trusting, gullible and naturally loving. These are the people who make perfect targets or marks for con artists.

Janae writes these books out of her personal experiences with con artists, sociopaths and predators. Surrounded by predators as a child, Janae had many up-close-and-personal experiences with both men and women who preyed on children and saw “conning” as a natural part of life. As a result, she has a well-developed bullsh*t detector that she drew on in researching this book series.

Janae’s personal experiences turned her into a ruthless Warrior for Truth and Seeker of the Shadow. For almost 15 years she has been on a search to know the difference between what is real and what is illusion. These books are an extension of Breaking Free of the Matrix ebook series, sold in the bookstore here at weinholds.org.

Book One in the series gives an overview of the subject and presents a lens for viewing “deviant” people.
Book Two looks at all the places where con artists, sociopaths & predators hide and tells how to spot them.
Book Three looks at what makes people become con artists, why you might attract con artists in your life, and how to protect yourself from them.

In this video, Janae talks about why she wrote these books and about her decision to “get smart” rather than be a victim. Janae’s books can help you make this same shift in thinking so that you can break free of the tangled web of family secrets and cultural lies with which you grew up.

Con Job Series Book One: Breaking Free of Con Artistis, Sociopaths & Predators

Click Here to Purchase This Book

This book gives an overview of “life-taking” people who operate as con artists, sociopaths and predators. It presents a simple framework for understanding these complicated people. It uses the Avatar movie as a framework for understanding the differences between Life-Giving and Life-Taking.

This “101 introductory” book helps you recognize Life-Takers in a way that isn’t filled with judgments and “bad-making.” It also helps you understand why your niceness and “life-giving” may be perceived as a weakness and make you an ideal “mark.”

Breaking Free of Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators will help you if you:

Are softhearted, caring and sometimes gullible
Love kids & animals
Avoid and despise violence
Attract people who steal your heart or use you
Often try to fix broken or wounded people
Would rather “get smart” rather than be a victim
Want a con artist-free life
Wish to be free of illusions and being sucked into con jobs
Want to use the dilemmas to help you become more self-aware

A book that should be read and reread...

Dear Barry and Janae,

I am very impressed with Janae’s new book. This book will help me in the work I do with humanity. So many unsuspecting persons are being preyed on by people who are experts at the con job. This is the bible that is needed to help and guide persons understand the traumatic effect that the behavior of con people could have on their lives. It is a book that should be read and reread. This is a powerful asset that provides the tools to equip persons with the necessary resilience to remove the facade of the con job and helps expose the manipulative, deceptive and controlling behaviors of con people. Excellent team work as usual!

Congratulations Janae! Congratulations Barry!

Alexander Daniel Counselor/ consultant/ trainer, Barbados, Caribbean

A Fun Read While Very Serious...

Loved it, thought it was really great!
Janae makes it quick and simple to understand such a complex dynamic.
Her use of the Avatar movie as an example helps to give a vivid mental picture.
Wow, I feel like I got soooo much in such a short time.
Was given new insight into my relationships and vulnerabilities.
Plus, is a fun read while being very serious.
I enjoyed it and can’t wait to read the second book in the series.

Red Robin

Con Job Series Book Two: How To Spot Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators

Click Here to Purchase This Book

Book Two takes an in-depth look at institutional, relational and environmental con artists It also looks at a special group of predators known as the Global Elite, and examines their influence on the history and development of the U.S.

Here’s a checklist that you can use to help you spot con artists, sociopaths & predators.

Book Two will help you get you up to speed on con artists by looking at where they hide, how they operate and the mindf*ck tools that they use to con us. This book, almost 200 pages, delves deeply into the hidden history of the U.S. and looks at critical points where con artists have influenced the direction of country’s evolution. It also answers the who/what/where/when questions below.

What are my blind spots?
What makes me an easy mark for con artists?
How can I get better at spotting them before you sign on the dotted line?
What kinds of things should I look for when trying to identify a con artist?
Where should I be on the lookout for con artists?
What makes a person become a con artist?
Is it possible to prevent people from becoming con artists?
What happens when con artists take over?

Courageous Contribution...

“A strong and courageous contribution, and extremely timely.”

JLL

Con Job Series Book Three: How to Protect Yourself From Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators.

Click Here to Purchase This Book

This third in the “educate yourself” Con Job ebook series looks in-depth at con artists, sociopaths and predators. It focuses on “the solution:” how to protect yourself from con artists, psychopaths and predators.

Chapter One describes how con artists are created and looks at the impact of early trauma on their development. It also examines role of the social and cultural environment in creating people who become con artists, sociopaths and predators.

Chapter Two helps you look at how you grew up, and to recognize dysfunctional family patterns and experiences that might make you an easy target for con artists. Chapter Three looks at how the structure of American society not only protects con artists, but also holds them up as examples of “success” in fulfilling the “American Dream.”

Chapter Four describes how to shift from victim consciousness to “getting smart.” It looks specifically at Drama Triangle dynamics: recognizing a rescue, encountering your shadow, getting off the Drama Triangle, and taking charge of your life. Chapter Five describes specific things that you can do to protect yourself from relational, institutional and societal predators. It also describes how to protect children from predators, a growing concern today for parents.

In Chapter Six Janae shares eleven stories (there are more!) about her own encounters with con artists, sociopaths and predators. This chapter ends with a summary of what she has learned from her experiences and a framework that she hopes will inspire you.

A complementary video that I recommend on this topic:

Other ways Janae Weinhold can Help You:

Twisted Beliefs eBook Series

March 30, 2013 Consciousness Leave a Comment

This four-book series shows how twisted beliefs can screw up your life even if you are smart. You may suffer from premature hardening of the categories and believe things that aren’t really true. You may hold twisted, rigid beliefs that cause you to make self-defeating decisions. These four books take you on an inner journey starting with learning about how your beliefs can get twisted. Then you learn how your twisted beliefs may attract con artists, sociopaths and predators into your life and what you need to do to protect yourself from them. Next you learn how to change your twisted beliefs, even those that could kill you. Finally, you learn how to trust your “inner knowing” instead of your beliefs and then learn to use that knowledge to guide your life decisions.

Book # 1: Premature Hardening of the Categories

Click here to get the book!

Do you know someone who seems to be smart who seems but also has self-defeating or maybe even self-destructive behavior? I would describe these people as suffering from premature hardening of the categories. In other words, they hold on to rigid and twisted beliefs that keep them stuck in their development. This book helps you, the reader, learn what these twisted beliefs look like, where they came from, what hidden effects they can have on your life and how you can change this situation.

This books helps you understand the causes of premature hardening of the categories of your beliefs and why it’s hard to change them. It also describes the author’s journey to identify the sources of his self-defeating behaviors and then how he changed them. This book focuses on understanding the hidden causes and effects of your twisted beliefs.

This book is now available at Amazon for $2.99.

The Draconian Agenda of Human Predators

Human predators have twisted beliefs that cause them to lie, cheat, manipulate and exploit the people they target. They are the “takers” rather than “givers” of life. Sometimes known as psychopaths or sociopaths or plain old narcissists, they don’t have empathy or a conscience. They could be one of your neighbors or someone in high places where they can advance their agenda by acting on their twisted beliefs.

These life-takers don’t even try to hide their agenda any more. Through the corporate controlled American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC), they are rapidly advancing their life-taking agenda. They’ve created templates for topic-specific legislation that they provide to state legislators that can be tweaked and adapted. North Carolina has become a test-state for ALEC’s agenda. If it is successful here, it will set precedents that can be used in other states where they control the state legislature and governor’s office. The YouTube video shows Western North Carolina’s reaction to this agenda: Mountain Moral Monday.

Reviews of Twisted Beliefs: How They Cause Premature Hardening of the Categories…

In the 25 years that I’ve known Barry Weinhold, he has been excavating out in the fields human behavior and relationships and carefully examining the psychological artifacts he’s dug up. This first book in a series of four is a gift that Barry draws up from his deep well of curiosity, life experience, inner work and research. Barry’s sweeping searchlight illuminates the widespread institutional predation in our 21st century world.

He astutely connects behaviors and outcomes with beliefs. Barry has zeroed in on this ever-so-common human behavior and offers a way out! And the way out is in — into the dark box of mistaken beliefs buried somewhere in the psyche. The frosting on this tour de force cake can be found in the many tools that he offers the reader to use to examine his or her life, behaviors and beliefs — literally to see oneself in the mirror. Paul W. Burke Writer, editor, facilitator, pilgrim Colorado Springs, CO.

“This book offers a plethora of useful tools for a fully functioning self…”

In this intriguing book Barry opens our eyes to the often ignored truth that while we may not be able to do much to change others, that is really not what we ought to be about in the first place. His emphasis on dealing honestly with our past and our own dysfunction is a much needed message in this age of anger, finger pointing and closed mindedness. He offers not only diagnosis but a plethora of useful tools for developing a healthy consciousness and what he calls a fully functioning self.

While my life experiences have been significantly different from those Barry so honestly shares, and my experience in the Christian faith has been much more positive than was his, this book has challenged me to think more deeply and honestly about all manner of things, including my faith, and to live more openly as I seek to be all I was created to be. John McCullough, Methodist Minister Daleville, Alabama

Book #2: The Twisted Beliefs Of Human Predators

Click here to get the book!

This book is the second of a four book series on the causes and the effects ot “twisted beliefs.” In order to protect yourself from being targeted by human predators, you need to learn more about how how to spot their twisted beliefs behind their thoughts and and behaviors. If we believe they think and act just like we do, we will become an easy target of their predation. Because of their twisted beliefs, they are very different people from who they pretend to be. This book looks under every rock and behind every Big Lie to show you how their twisted beliefs have caused these people to think and act in very different ways than we are used to. Have you ever been lied to and manipulated into doing things that did not support your needs and instead ended up supporting the needs of others who took advantage of your trusting nature? If you answered “Never,” you are in denial. We all have been tricked and manipulated by the Big Lies and the cleaver manipulations of human predators, unless you have been living in a cave somewhere all your life. They are everywhere and they are constantly searching for their next victim. This book will provide you with the essential ways to identify these people and then how you can protect yourself against their nefarious plans.

This book is now available at Amazon for $2.99.

Book #3: How To Identify And Change Your Twisted Beliefs

Click here to get the book!

Do you remember how you felt when you found out that your belief in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy was not true? I felt conflicted because I liked all the gifts that came with the lie. This is like Woody Allen’s story about his uncle who thought he was a chicken. He said the family didn’t correct him because they needed the eggs. Santa Claus is typically portrayed as a person who supposedly watched you to see if you were good or bad and would reward you accordingly on Christmas morning. The implied threat was if you’d end up with a lump of coal if you didn’t behave. How deceitful is it to use Santa Clause to control your kid’s behavior? Sadly, I ended up telling my kids the same lies for the same reasons. Go figure! I was told other lies that had far more damaging effects on my life. For example, I learned in church that I was born a sinner and would always be one. They were pretty convincing, so I believed what they told me. I also learned from my parents what a “bad boy” when I did something that displeased them.

The Impact of Twisted Beliefs on Your Life

How do lies, shaming and judgment affect you? Most people can give you a long list of what they believe is wrong with them, but are hard-pressed to think of any good qualities. Most of us are told we’re not “good enough” in some important way, and told enough times that we believed this must be true. This process begins very early in life. Research shows that parents say the word “no” to their child over 20,000 times before he/she reaches the age of two. And most of this is delivered with judging, shaming facial expressions. Most people don’t realize how damaging it is to base their life on twisted beliefs. If this happened to you, what can you do to change your negative beliefs about yourself?

How This Book Can Help You

How to Identify and Change Your Twisted Beliefs provides answers to these and other important questions. It includes many self-awareness and self-correction exercises to help you identify and change lie-based beliefs that you learned while growing up. For example, one self-inventory identifies thirty-six common twisted beliefs that you may have learned while growing up in your family, church or schools. The first part of the book helps you identify any twisted beliefs you might have. It also identifies the probable negative effects that holding these twisted beliefs can have on your life. The second half of the book shows you how you can change your twisted beliefs. Twisted beliefs about yourself can cause stress that leads to degenerative diseases. For example, I describe how I held twisted beliefs that caused cancer to grow in my body. I also share how I was able to reverse it by changing my twisted beliefs. I write about how I identified and changed other twisted beliefs, and what I learned in that process. This is a very personal book that Barry felt compelled to write and share with others who are interested in personal growth and change.

This book is now available at Amazon for $2.99.

Book #4: Beyond Beliefs: The Journey of The Gnostic Warrior

Click here to get the book!

What lies beyond your beliefs is your personal freedom! You can live your life free from the undo influences of twisted collective beliefs manufactured by spin-masters of the mainstream media. They work hard to get you to believe their lies and distortions because it makes it easier for them to confuse and control you. This book, Beyond Beliefs: The Journey of the Gnostic Warrior, will help change any misperceptions (chains) you may have about these twisted beliefs. By reading this book you will discover the personal freedom that lies beyond your beliefs: your inner knowing of the truth and how to use it to chart the course of your life’s journey.

By reading this book you will learn the following:

What tools do I need to reconnect with my inner wisdom?
How can I better understand the current collective breakdown/breakthrough process?
How can I navigate through this chaotic process successfully using my inner wisdom?
What are some examples of successful breakthrough projects I can look to for inspiration?
What is a Gnostic Warrior and how is he/she different from a Traditional Warrior?
What skills do I need to become an effective Gnostic Warrior?
What are my “essential travel tips” for “The Journey of the Gnostic Warrior?”

I end this book with a case study about a young political activist. I coached him as he participated in the protests in Ukraine against the corrupt government in late 2013 and early 2014. These brave gnostic warriors brought down the government and are in the process of forming a new, hopefully more democratic government.

Positive Mental Health

January 14, 2013 Consciousness Leave a Comment

Positive mental health in children involves “prevention thinking” and the use of “care practices” based on new research and theory in developmental psychology. Forward thinking childcare providers, early childhood educators and infant mental health specialists now all recognize that children require the same kind of foundational and relational experiences during the first five years of life. Children with positive mental health are also strong and capable learners—these two things go hand-in-hand.

Positive mental health emphasizes social and emotional development as the foundation upon which all social and academic learning takes place. It also emphasizes the role of primary caregivers in establishing children’s patterns of behavior, relationships and learning.

The Importance of Early Caregivers & Caregiving

Interactions between early caregivers, parental or professional, set the developmental trajectory of each child. They contribute to their development in either growth-promoting or growth-inhibiting ways.

Positive mental health and early learning develop simultaneously within the context of nurturing early relationships. The heart of positive mental health is about the social emotional connections that children need to fully develop. Children who experience heartful, empathic interactions with adult caregivers grow into heartful empathic adults. Only then are they are able to become self-reflective, think critically, and function effectively in today’s changing world.

Cognitive Learning Theory and Mental Health Theory Merge

Children’s mental health specialists and early childhood educators now find themselves drawing from the same pool of research, theory and practices. Both recognize psychological development as the foundation upon which all social and cognitive learning takes place.

The gap between developmental psychology and educational psychology has closed, and professionals in these two fields find themselves expressing virtually the same ideas and thoughts, but in different languages. Even the language barrier is beginning to dissolve, as professionals find themselves finding a common language based on quantum biology and physics.

Professionals now accept that infant learning and mental health overlap, influence and build on one another. They also recognize how primary caregivers play a critical role in the development of nurturing early relationships, and in the early learning that takes place in children age birth to five years.

Independence Training for Children

January 14, 2013 Consciousness Leave a Comment

Independence training for children between the ages of three and five is vital to their future growth and development. This is particularly true if their developmental needs for bonding and emotional separation were met during codependent and counterdependent stages of development. Children who are the most ready for independence training are those who aren’t hampered by unmet needs and incomplete developmental processes from codependent and counterdependent stages.

There’s a significant correlation between the bonding needs of the co-dependent stage and the separation needs of the counter-dependent stage. The more completely a child’s bonding needs have been met, the more effectively he or she will complete the separation stage. If the child’s bonding was weak in any way, it usually means that he or she will not be ready for independence training during the independent stage of development.

Children who haven’t completed the important developmental processes from the first will have difficulty with independence training. These children may cling, act out with anger and defiance. Or they may pretend to be independent. In this case, children learn to erect walls around themselves to prevent the development of socialization skills.

Independence Training For Children

This period is a crucial time of development. Three-year olds are now ready to run on internal power. They are more able to trust their own feelings and instincts. And they are more in touch with their internal rhythms, preferences and needs. Here’s a chart showing the developmental tasks that must be completed during this stage, and the activities to help children complete them.

Developmental Tasks

Master self-care
Master the process of becoming a functionally autonomous individual separate from parents
Master object constancy
Develop & trust your core values and beliefs
Achieve secure bonding experiences with nature
Learn effective social engagement skills
Develop secure internal working model of self/other
Achieve secure bonding with peers

Developmental Activities to Complete These Tasks

Parents rearrange home environment to support mastery of self-care (eating, dressing and toilet training)
Parents support development of effective internal limits and consequences
Parents support learning appropriate deferred gratification of your wants and needs
Parents support you in learning effective emotional self-regulation & control
Immediate & extended family members offer nurturing, supportive and consistent contact
Parental support to allow you to trust your inner sense of wisdom and guidance
Parents provide you with experiences for safe exploration of nature
Parental support for developing sensory relationships with nature
Parents providing for reciprocal social interactions with other children
Parents teach cross-relational thinking including empathy & respect for others
Parental support in developing cause/effect problem-solving skills
Adults model win-win solutions to conflicts

Parents Must Take Off the Training Wheels

This stage is also a time of coming back together for the child and the parents. The power struggles typical in the counterdependent stage finally end! Peace and cooperation slowly return, and children experience a renewed sense of excitement about becoming self-sufficient.

During the independent stage, children area ready for more mature forms of intimacy. They yearn for independence training that helps them master self-sufficiency skills, and to master parallel play with other children. They love being able to “do it myself!”

Three-to-five-year-olds watch adult caregivers carefully. They imitate everything adults do and say whatever they hear adults say. Children in this stage love testing their capability limits–seeing just how far they can stretch themselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Children in this age group are also deeply imaginative and creative~~ even magical! It is as though their soul-force has fully dropped into their personality. Their eyes sparkle, they are animated and excited about life! It is an amazing experience to be around three-year-olds, as their exuberance is contagious, expansive and uplifting!

The Interdependent Stage of Development

This stage begins around age five or six and ends at about age twenty-nine. During this stage, children gradually develop compassion, empathy, and cooperation. This very long stage is really a time of “humanizing” children so that they will fit into their family, their community, their culture and their world. It involves much trial-and-error learning, as children discover their unique gifts and the paths where they are able to apply them.

Relationally, interdependence is a highly complex stage of development. It requires that children learn how to move fluidly and consciously among the three previous stages of development. This fluidity is possible only when children are able to clearly communicate their needs and successfully negotiate with others to get them met.

During the interdependent stage, children develop the skills necessary for effective adult living. Culturally, most people regard children as self-sufficient once they leave home. As our own children navigate this stage, we recognize this as a fallacy. Between the ages of eighteen and twenty-eight, children must establish themselves professionally, learn to manage their own money, find jobs, buy cars, rent apartments, secure mortgages, buy houses, and, sometimes, have children. These young adult children still need a lot of support from their parents during this complicated and challenging phase, usually completed by the time they enter their thirties.

BIRTH, PRE- AND PERINATAL PSYCHOLOGY

January 14, 2013 Janae Weinhold Leave a Comment

The ground-breaking research in birth and pre-and perinatal development began with Thomas Verny’s (1981) book, The Secret Life of the Unborn Child. He was the first to summarize all the relevant research in this field. The publication of his book was a catalyst for founding the Association for Pre- and Perinatal Psychology and Allied Health. This organization continues to collect and disseminate new research findings in this area.

David Chamberlain, another pioneer in the field of pre- and perinatal development, has written several ground-breaking books in this field. Babies Remember Birth: And Other Extraordinary Scientific Discoveries About the Mind And Personality of Your Newborn, The Mind of Your Newborn, and his newly released Windows to the Womb: Revealing the Conscious Baby from Conception to Birth. For more information about him and his work, you can visit his website.

The Importance of the Pre- and Perinatal Period of Development

One of the important findings from the research on pre- and perinatal development is the significance of the pre- and perinatal period. The research clearly shows that this period lays the foundation for a person’s internal working model of reality, particularly beliefs about themselves and their place in the family and larger world.

Developmental trauma during this period begins shaping children’s brains and their relationship with their parents and the world. We’ve found this very early trauma is a major cause of intractable conflicts in adult relationships.

Research on pre- and perinatal development validates many of the things once considered old wives’ tales, such as the importance of talking, singing, and playing music in energetically attuning with an unborn child. These are now recognized as some of the significant first steps in parent-child attunement.

Sound affects the physical activity of the fetus. In an experiment using ultrasound pictures, the fetus was shown to react to different types of music. From this experiment, researchers found that the largo movements from classical music quieted the fetus. Largo music has about 60 beats per minute, which is about the same as the mother’s resting heartbeat. Music with a faster beat takes the
child out of resonance with the mother’s heartbeat.

Developmental Trauma During Pre- and Perinatal Period

There are a number of other stressors during pregnancy that affect the biological and psychological attunement between mother and child. Prenatal studies, for example, indicate that conflict between the parents and in the family disturbs the fetus. The secretion of adrenaline in the mother’s blood not only causes stress reactions in the fetus, but can also cause both physical and psychological delays during prenatal development.

Families with little or no conflict and families with significant conflict were studied for five to ten years. These longitudinal studies found significant differences in growth rates, development rates, and psychological problems of the two groups of children. Verny’s research indicates that babies are able to remember everything and are deeply impacted by the events around them. Unfortunately, they are not able to communicate this at the time.

Our breathwork therapy with clients supports this research. Many of them remember exact conversations adults present at their birth had with each other, while others knew what the adults were thinking. After breathwork experiences, several clients were able to verify the accuracy of these birth memories with their parents. This anecdotal information supports other research that newborns are able to tune into the thoughts and feelings of those around them.

Spotting Con Artists

December 10, 2012 Consciousness Leave a Comment

Most people find it difficult to believe that likeable, sociable people could be fakes—that behind their smiling masks they are scheming to hurt, deceive and dominate. Con artists look pretty much like everyone one else. Their brains, however, are wired quite differently and they have a host of predatory values, beliefs and behaviors that make conning people very easy.

The Game

For con artists, it’s all about “the game.” Their calculating and deceptive minds focus on winning and reduces life to contests and seeing people to victims and marks.

Because they grew up conning, adult con artists have had a lifetime to perfect their skills. Each con job helps them increase their skills at manipulation and deceit, which encourages them to try something bigger and bolder the next time.

Perhaps the most amazing thing about con artists, however, is their ability to instantly recognize an ideal mark: someone who is decent, innocent and trusting. Even more amazing is that people who have consciences find it extremely hard for them to recognize con men. This is a real “hand-in-glove” situation. How ideal for cons!

Con Artists’ Specialized Skills

It’s important to know just how skilled these people are, because you need a healthy respect for them. They are much more dangerous that you likely realize.

Con artists lack a conscience and therefore don’t value close or intimate relationships. They have a different focus for their lives: games. To them, life is just one game after another. And the goal is winning. Nothing else matters.

They see people as targets—chess pieces to manipulate, lie to and prey on. Believing themselves smarter and superior, they work to dominate and bend your will in order to con you.

Con artists are often able to juggle several con job “projects” at once without missing a beat, because they are very good at compartmentalizing. Their unusual brains allow them to separate different targets and on-going scams in their minds.

These multi-trackers often have exceptional memories that can access things at lightening speed. Should they lose a fact (or lie), they can quickly maneuver around their lapse, and do it so convincingly that no one is the smarter.

Once con artists make you their target, they whip out their arsenal of mindf*ck tools to move you from a position of having personal control to one of having no control. They quickly take a position of power.

What Con Artists Want

Con artists want two things: to steal material things from you such as your money or property, or to manipulate you in some way for sex. Some con artists are after both. Those seeking sex, however, are into conning more for thrills related to power, control and domination. Remember, con artists aren’t into emotional intimacy and relationships.

Where to Look for Con Artists

Large institutions make great hiding places for con artists, as they provide personal credibility and a front to hide their deceit. They work hard at creating public images to make them look trustworthy, reputable and safe.

It doesn’t really matter what the institution’s focus is—religion, finance, education, media, politics or government. The critical factor is having easy access to targets who will unwittingly cooperate with them.

Relational con artists work one-on-one, and are also after either your money/property or sex. Their search for power and exploitation is more personal. These charismatic people with dynamic personalities tend to be loners. They lack the kind of social skills required to operate as con artists inside corporations or organizations, and prefer the one-on-one con.

Relational con artists prey on your weaknesses—your greed, irresponsibility, soft-heartedness, naiveté, fear, gullibility and co-dependency. The mental health of relational con artists ranges from being neurotic and wounded to being psychotic and violent.

Relational con artists get their thrills partly by being covert and invisible to those around them. Those with the most antisocial tendencies prefer moving in the shadows of society and are more often the psychopathic killer types prone to commit violence. They patiently look for just the right marks and take their time in stalking them, which contributes to the thrill factor. For them, stalking is a perverted kind of “foreplay.”

How to Spot Con Artists

Here’s the How to Spot Con Artists. Here are some of the most common:

are extroverted, talk fast and want to move quickly into things
have a lot of charm, magnetism and charisma—even a “glow”
appear sexy or have strong sexual magnetism
present themselves as heroes with high morals and philosophy
tend to be great experts on any topic being discussed
are master wordsmiths, even expert storytellers & poets
invent bizarre tales, say and do grandiose things
blatantly re-write history
deliver intriguing and hypnotic monologues that snow people
create stories on the spur of the moment that are impossible to confirm or deny
rely on claims that cannot be proven or validated to create a false sense of authority, spirituality or “special” knowledge
take risks others wouldn’t and then use their risk-taking to intimidate
are good at out-smarting others

Inner Work

December 10, 2012 Consciousness Leave a Comment

Barry K. Weinhold

Inner work is the ability to use the skills of self-refection and self correction to transform your relationship with yourself and with the world. The concept of “inner work” is part of many spiritual traditions and psychological approaches, and includes the use of tools such as mindfulness, prayer, meditation and chanting.

Most of Western society values “doing” — being active and out in the world. It doesn’t really value or appreciate those who spend time and money focused on their inner world. When we were living and studying near Zurich, Switzerland in 1986, for example, we were struck by the introverted nature of the Swiss people. When we observed them in public they seemed a bit aloof and distant in their daily interactions with others. Rarely would people look at you walking down the street or on the street car. We realized that our American point of reference seemed off the charts on the extroversion side of the equation. What better place for Carl Jung to work and study the inner world of people?

Carl Jung: Champion of Inner Work

From his private practice just outside Zurich, Carl Jung’s patients brought him their inner world, and he began to map it out rather completely. He discovered the concept of the “shadow” or the split-off part of the Self that carries lots of hidden information about our traumas and our potential. The Shadow often can be visible in our projections on the outer world. According to Jung, the Shadow must be fully understood and integrated back into the Self through inner work.

Any time my reaction to an event in the here and now is greater than is called for, I know I am reenacting some old unhealed trauma or unresolved conflict. This is a sign that I am being “triggered”by a memory that contains strong feelings that I don’t want to look at. The natural tendency its to deflect attention on something or someone else. This also helped me identify what is unfinished that I needed to work on. Our book Healing Developmental Trauma is a great resource to help know what to do to heal these traumas as they show up.

The Shadow and the False Self

In addition to the Shadow, Jung’s work led directly to the discovery of the concept of the “false self.” This is an artificial or “public” self we create to hide parts of ourselves that we or others have deemed unacceptable. Most people operate out of a false self, and create ego defenses to protect their most vulnerable parts of themselves. One of the most common ego defenses people use is projections. Projections involve blaming or criticizing others in order to avoid seeing parts of ourselves that we don’t want others or ourself to see.

Another way to avoid feeling those unwanted feelings connected to your false self is through self-medication. All “addictions” are self-medicating attempts to help us avoid feeling some unwanted feeling. My “favorite” addiction is working hard in order to distract myself from my emotions. Our books, Breaking Free of The Codependency Trap and The Flight From Intimacy, are excellent resources for helping you identify and change your “favorite” addictions and your unhealed traumas.

Jung’s Complexes

Jung also discovered “complexes,” the most common of which are the “mother complex” and the “father complex.” My book Breaking Family Pattern: How To Identify Your Family Patterns is a good place to start to identify your complexes. The companion book Breaking Family Patterns: How To Change Your Family Patterns is also a good resource to help you learn how to change the patterns you have identified.

Inner work requires the full use of your ability to self-reflect and to self-correct. I have used these two skills extensively in my own quest for inner wholeness and integration. Other inner work tools that that Janae and I have used are featured in our books and on this website. Some of the related posts under this “Inner Work” page talk about how to utilize these tools to do your inner work. The tools that I have found most useful include meditation, prayer, centering, body work, breath work, guided meditations, active imagination, applied kinesiology, art therapy, psychodrama, and gestalt therapy.

My Own Inner Work Journey

I started learning how to meditate in 1978 during a six-week Lomi Bodywork Training. The method I learned is called Vipassana meditation, which is supposedly the one the Buddha taught his followers. It is also called insight mediation, because deeper thoughts or insights will show up when you quiet your surface mind. It is a practice and you have to do it everyday if you are going to get benefits from it.

I currently do about one hour per day because I can adjust my daily routine to allow that much time at one sitting. If this is too long for you, then twenty minutes is minimum. The practice is relatively simple and involves sitting in a chair or on a pillow with your back straight and focusing all your attention on your breath. You can feel your chest rising and falling, visualize your breath coming and and going out or her the sound of your breath as it passes through your nostrils.

I have prayer since I was a teenager. I remember praying in church for wisdom and for help me keep my life in harmony and balance. Later my prayers involved seeking guidance and discovering who I am. Currently, I ask for help from the Ascended Masters of the Great White Brotherhood of the Light in everything from decisions I have to make to diagnosis and treatment any illness I have.

I also use Applied Kinesiology or muscle testing to find out what my body wants or needs in specific situations. I also use this tool to select all my nutritional supplements and determine the dosage I need. I regularly use connected breathing to help relieve any stress I feel in my body or mind. Fo me this involves seeing the in-breath as pulling me up to the top of a ferris wheel and then the out-breath felling like going down the other side. I don’t pause at the end of either the in-breath or the out-breath thus connecting them.