By Barry K. Weinhold and Janae B. Weinhold What is the Partnership Way of Conflict Resolution The Partnership Way is a form of relationship conflict resolution that helps people embrace conflict rather than avoiding it. We learned to embrace conflict because we found that it deepened the love connection between us in ways that advanced our consciousness. [Read more…]
We believe that developmental shock, trauma or stress from unrecognized and unhealed childhood events energetically imprints the mind-body in ways that cause the growth of cancer or other degenerative diseases. This understanding matches those of Dr. W. Douglas Brodie (photo prior to his death on right), Dr. Ryke Hamer and other innovative researchers. The key has been a willingness on their part and our part to look outside the box for the holistic causes of these diseases.
Dr. Hamer’s (photo on left) research looks mostly at the effects of acute experiences involving shock, while Brodie’s focuses more on the chronic effects of developmental trauma. They are philosophically and theoretically aligned in acknowledging that a precipitating event involving developmental shock, trauma or stress within two years of a cancer diagnosis triggers the onset of this life-threatening disease.
Both perspectives are on the cutting edge of both complementary and allopathic medicine and support our developmental paradigm. Dr. Brodie’s recognition of the long-term impact of unresolved developmental shock, trauma or stress on the mind-body during early childhood reinforces our own heuristic research findings on the effects of developmental shock, trauma or stress on physical and emotional health.
Brodie’s work plus the work of Ryke Hamer have been invaluable in helping us formulate the appropriate interventions for treating developmental shock, trauma or stress and to hopefully reversing the conditions that can cause cancer. We believe that the developmental shock, trauma or stress do contribute to the creation of most degenerative diseases. For example, diabetes is caused by very high glucose levels in the cells that could have been produced through the same six-stage process that Brodie described above about cancer.
Heart diseases are also due to the long-term effects of developmental shock, trauma or stress on hypertension. We know that diet and exercise also play a role in all three of these degenerative diseases, but the underlying cause is due to unrecognized and unhealed developmental shocks, traumas or stresses. They create conditions where people have food cravings to feed the fungus infections and cause the lack of energy in the cells that makes it harder to exercise.
We know these dedicated pioneers have opened the door to a new paradigm for preventing and curing degenerative diseases. We see their biological research as the companion to our psychological research on developmental shock, trauma or stress as a causative factor of illness and degenerative diseases, and provide support for our treatment model, Developmental Process Work (DPW).
Here’s a great You’Tube Video of a new song called I Run To You by Lady Antebellum. Click the blue link to watch it.
Barry K. Weinhold
Individuals who in the first year of life suffered relational traumas that wounded their soul, did not experience a securely bonding relationships with their mother. As a result, these people grow up not knowing how to create a securely bonded relationship with another adult. In addition, individuals who in their second and third years of life suffered additional relational traumas that wounded their soul did not experience the nurturing support of parents or other adult to become separate, autonomous persons. As a result, these people wall off their wounded parts in their adult relationships as a protection against further wounding of their soul.
It is impossible for those who are still suffering from unhealed soul wounds to be spontaneous and open enough to sustain intimacy in their adult relationships. They may strongly desire intimacy, but their body memories of the soul wounding they suffered early in life will cause them to be hypervigilant and controlling in intimate situations. They maintain a form of protection against either re-experiencing the pain of the early traumas or hold on to a fear of a repeat of their early traumas that is counter-productive to sustaining intimacy.
These early relational traumas, which we call developmental trauma, and the long-term effects of the soul-wounding process create a distorted perception of the following: 1) who I am, 2) what is safe for me to say and do in my relationships with others, 3) what others persons will say and do to me and 4) what will happen to me when I explore the world around me.
These distortions form a template we call the internal working model of reality and it is analogous to the hard drive in your computer that runs its software programs and determines what actions will occur when you give it certain commands. The only difference is that for the most part when you are operating a computer you are consciously selecting the commands you need to do certain functions, but your internal working model operates and controls your behavior automatically without any conscious commands. Your feelings, thoughts and behaviors are determined by your distorted perceptions that have been programmed to run when your alarm system senses something similar to what you experienced in an early relational trauma situation is happening in your current relationship. These distortions were hard-wired into your biocomputer by the time you were three years old.
Unless you change these hard-wired programs, the process of creating successful, sustaining, satisfying adult relationships will indeed be difficult. If you are experiencing difficulty in sustaining intimacy in your adult relationships, you will need to identify your early relational traumas that connect with the problems in sustaining intimacy you are experiencing. If you are finding yourself reaching out to people who are not available that is an indication that your mother was probably not available in the ways you needed her to be available when you were less then a year old. If you are finding that you have trouble either being intimate or sustaining intimacy because it raises fears of being hurt again, then probably your parents or other adults did and said things that hurt you while you were between one and three years old.
Our two books, Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap and the Flight Form Intimacy provide excellent ideas on how to discover the hidden traumas that are the source of the problems you are having in your adult relationships. Not only do they help you connect the dots, but they also provide you with tools for healing the traumas that are causing your relationship problems.
Directions: In the blank in front of each of the statements below mark T if you believe it is a true statement and F if you think it is a false statement.
___1. We descended from apes.
___2. We live in the land of the free.
___3. Our three-dimensional reality is the only reality that exists.
___4. Jesus was a celibate Jewish teacher who founded Christianity.
___5. The Revolutionary War freed us from the rule of the British Crown.
___6. America is a democratic republic.
___7. The only two things you have to do are pay taxes and die.
___8. The Federal Reserve is a government agency that regulates our monetary and banking system.
___9. The World Trade Center was brought down on 9/11 by airplanes flown by members of Al Queda.
___10. You cannot trust your feelings because they will unduly influence your thinking.
___11. All the money you make and property you own belongs to you and your heirs.
___12. The U. S. Constitution guarantees you life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
___13. The lost continent of Atlantis is a myth and never existed on Earth.
___14.The liberals are in control of the U. S. media.
___15. We have a two party political system in this country.
___16. Conflict is unproductive and therefore should be avoided.
___17. What makes our government unique is an effective system of independent checks and balances.
___18. All university professors are liberals.
___19. Reincarnation is a myth.
___20. Civilization has evolved from its primitive roots.
___21.The Christian Bible is the true word of God.
___22. The wealthy are the fittest to survive and therefore have earned the right to rule others.
___23. Meeting your own needs before meeting the needs of others is being selfish.
___24. Our founding fathers believed that all men are created equal.
___25. The IRS is a government agency in the U. S. Dept. of Treasury.
___26. Our legal system is based primarily on English Common Law.
___27. The Fox News Channel provides fair and balanced coverage of the news.
___28. The Iraq War was started to bring democracy to that country.
___29. Global warming is a hoax designed to ruin our economy.
___30. Terrorist alerts are used to warn us of possible terrorist attacks.
The more of the above statements that you marked as true, the more that you are trapped in Matrix thinking. Our research indicates that they are all false statements. In order to break free of the Matrix, we suggest reading our ebooks on this topic.
I think that we will continue to experience time speeding up. Let’s imagine our galaxy as a vortex that both sends and receives energy and moves time and lie down an ever-narrowing spiral towards an Omega Point. We would experience time is speeding up and find ourselves playing out our karmic patterns in shorter and shorter cycles. [Read more…]
LOVEvolution plays a major role in the personal growth and wellness, because many of us grew up in families where we experienced little or no unconditional love. What we mostly experienced was conditional love that rewarded us for conforming or giving up our needs and punished us when we were unwilling to accommodate. As a result, weve become human doings rather than human beings. [Read more…]
Janae B. Weinhold & Barry K. Weinhold
Beliefs form as the result of intense or traumatic emotional experiences during childhood. You cannot think away or eliminate trauma with your conscious mind. Trauma is wired into the central nervous system and operates through the autonomic nervous system and the reptilian brain, which is why it is so difficult to eliminate. Here are some of the core beliefs that are characteristic of people with victim consciousness:
I am not okay, neither are you and it’s someone’s fault. Someone has done something bad to me they are responsible for the lack of peace and happiness in my life. I wouldn’t be having all of these uncomfortable feelings if only ____would stop doing what they are doing. Most of my problems are cause by things outside of my control. The world is a big, scary place and I cannot change things. The whole world is against me and is trying to keep me down. It is my destiny to be crushed and sacrificed when the chips are down. I did everything for so and so and they just took advantage of me. I wish something outside of me were different so that I could feel better. If I listen to what others say, I’ll be talked out of my own beliefs and views. Every time I get close to someone, he or she sees how unlovable I am and reject me. I can’t listen to other people’s feelings because it may stir up my own. If people get to know me they will see how weak I am and lose respect for me. If I open up to someone, he or she will abandon me and I may die. If I cry, I will never be able to stop. If I get angry, I might kill someone. If I expressed my pain, it will be so much that I might go crazy or die. If I was rejected, I do not know what would happen to me.
While victim consciousness is part of virtually all social structures, it is learned first in families. From this view, victim consciousness is social problem. Once you recognize that you are contributing to the problem, you can graduate from victim consciousness. You can find a more complete description of this process in our book, Counter dependency: The Flight From Intimacy.
Janae B. Weinhold & Barry K. Weinhold
Your Shadow consists of all those aspects of yourself that you want to keep hidden from others and from yourself. These are usually the aspects of your self that not accepted in the matrix and reinforced by your parents or teachers or society as wrong, deviant, bad, unruly or uncivilized. Your parents may have told you things like, “Don’t be so active, sit still,” or “Don’t play with your food,” “Sit up straight,” “Don’t play with yourself, that’s bad and dirty,” or “Good girls don’t get angry,” and “Big boys don’t cry.” You then learn to hide all of these rejected or unacceptable feelings, thoughts and behaviors. You put them away in a “bag,” so to speak. Hiding these natural aspects of your True Self, at a young age, allows you to please others and just plain survive. However, it is also traps you and keeps you a prisoner in the Matrix.
As you grow up, you drag this bag of unwanted or unappreciated aspects behind you everywhere you go. For most people, by the time they are nineteen or twenty they have put almost everything of value about themselves into this bag: their creativity, their passion, their sexuality, their ability to have deep feelings, their energy, their spontaneity, their hungers, their enthusiasms, their dreams, and whatever else that they deemed frivolous, unattractive or unacceptable by others.
What’s left The only things left are those behaviors, thoughts and feelings that peers, parents, teachers and other adults found acceptable or non-threatening, which is usually not much of who you really are. You can easily get over-identified with your False self and still try to look acceptable enough or non-threatening enough, in hopes of getting you unmet developmental needs met. Your hope is that if you do enough of the right things, you will finally get the respect, love and recognition you have always wanted. Of course, this doesn’t work. Instead, you find yourself on a treadmill, doing as much as possible to look good to others, but feeling empty inside.
Janae B. Weinhold & Barry K. Weinhold
Once you understand the process of projections and where they come from, you begin to recognize when you are projecting a part of yourself onto others. Here’s how to identify when you are projecting on others:
1) When you over-react to an incident, particularly when you see the problem as all about the other person and nothing about you. (The “making a mountain out of a mole hill” phenomenon).
2) When your feelings remind you of some previously painful situation. (You feel “rubber-banded” back to an earlier trauma. For example, when your partner yells at you, you quickly begin to feel and behave as a three-year-old and see your partner as your omnipotent mother or father.)
3) When you find yourself in a conflict where you are totally focused on what the other person said or did. This over-focusing helps you avoid a feeling or looking at your contribution to the conflict.
4) When you find yourself using loaded words like “always” or “never” to describe the situation.
5) When you recognize qualities in others that you cannot see in yourself. These can be both positive and negative qualities.