Make a list of the significant betrayals in your life. You
can make the list chronological, starting with the earliest one you can
remember, or you can arrange your list from the most significant down to the
least significant.

You only need
a few words to describe each event: “The time when _____ happened.”

you have listed all these events, go back and examine each betrayal using the
following questions:

What were the predominant feelings you had then and have

Which sterile choices did you make in dealing with this

What illusions, misperceptions, or expectations
contributed to the betrayal

What other choices could you have made in this betrayal

What new choices still exist for you in this betrayal

What lessons did you learn as a result of this betrayal
What, if any, important benefits came out of this betrayal

Have you had similar kinds of betrayals If so, what were the
common elements in these betrayals

How do they form a pattern
Which betrayals do you feel you have successfully
resolved How did you do that

Which betrayals have you not healed What opportunities
still exist to heal or resolve these

you have answered the above questions, make a second list of the times when you
were the betrayer. Answer the following questions as honestly as possible:

What were the most prevalent feelings involved in your

How did you deal with each betrayal
What were the short-term and long-term effects of the
betrayal on you

What were the short-term and long-term effects of the
betrayal on the other person involved

What could you have done instead of betraying the other

What, if any, benefits did you receive as a result of the

What, if any, unfinished business do you think still
exists with each of your betrayals

What actions do you still need to take to clear any
unfinished business left over from any of your betrayals

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