One Intimate RelationshipsThis section of our website will help you clear the dysfunctional relational patterns you bring to your intimate relationships from your family-of-origin. In order to help you experience more intimacy in your relationships, we offer you our best advice and our practical love-atory-tested tools and skills.

Here you can also learn how to use relational crises involving betrayal, divorce, intractable conflicts, addictions and other life-altering experiences as wake-up calls and as opportunities for changing your life and becoming more conscious.

Our approach emphasizes the importance of conscious, committed, intimate relationships as the primary resource for healing childhood wounds and modifying the relational template you learned in your family-of-origin. The earliest experiences of intimacy begin with our parents, particularly our mothers. These experiences create a template or pattern that we use to create all other intimate relationshipsour relationships as a coupled partner, as a parent, as a sibling, as a co-worker and employee and as a part of community.

We discovered that modifying our relational template requires two things. The first is an understanding of what optimal parenting experiences should be like, and the kind of person that comes from this kind of family background. The second is recognizing the less-than-optimal parenting that you actually got in your family-of-origin, and how this has impacted your development and your life. Once you have this information, you learn how to close the gap between the optimal parenting you wished for and the less-than-optimal parenting that you actually got.

This journey of self-reflection and self-correction typically involves looking at codependency and counterdependency issues, learning how to resolve intimate conflicts, creating sustainability in intimate relationships, breaking patterns of addiction, dysfunction and victim consciousness, clearing developmental trauma, and protecting yourself from con artists.

The Drama Triangle & Victim Consciousness

: April 8, 2013 5:25 pm : Breaking Family Patterns:How To Change Your Family Patterns, Codependency, Counter Dependency, Developmental Trauma, Drama Triangle, Intimate Relationships, Our Best Advice, Victim Consciousness

The drama triangle is the name of a psychological and social game that involves indirect and dysfunctional communication. The term, “Drama Triangle,” was first identified in 1968 by Stephen Karpman, an MD who practiced Transational Analysis. The Drama Triangle is now used in psychology and psychotherapy to describe a rotating series of dysfunctional behavioral roles that people use when they are in conflict.
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Families: Society’s Foundation

: January 2, 2013 6:34 pm : Families, Families-of-Choice, Family Conflicts, Family Meetings, Parenting and Childcare, Sustainable Relationships

Families are society’s foundation because they provide a template for all other relationships. Here we learn about ourselves, about others, and about how the world works. Families create a relational structure or model that we use for the rest of our lives, particularly in parenting our own children.
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Sustainable Relationships YouTubes

Janae Weinhold : December 24, 2012 10:16 am : Building Sustainable Relationships, Codependency, Intimate Relationships, Sustainable Relationships

The Weinholds believe that sustainable relationships create a social safety net for people during times of economic uncertainty, political instability and rapid global climate. These videos examine the importance of having a web of relationships that provide social and emotional support during times of rapid change.
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Life-givers vs. Life-takers

Janae Weinhold : December 23, 2012 4:28 pm : Con Artists, Con Artists, Con Job Series, Spotting Con Artists

tending with childPeople are either life-givers or life-takers. Life-givers are relationally-oriented and have open compassionate hearts. Life-takers have closed hearts and are don’t care about the welfare of others.

Life-givers

Life-givers give life. This instinct is so much a part of them that they don’t even think about it. They just respond instinctively to innocence, vulnerability and Source energy by touching, holding, feeding, empowering and supporting. This gives them their greatest joy.
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How the False Self Gets Created

: November 27, 2012 9:57 am : Addictions, Codependency, Counter Dependency, Inner Work, Personal Growth, Self-Healing, The False Self

The False Self is an artificial persona that people create very early in life to protect themselves from re-experiencing developmental trauma, shock and stress in close relationships. This False or “public” Self appears polite and well-mannered, and puts on a “show of being real.” Internally, they feel empty, dead or “phoney,” unable to be spontaneous and alive, and to show their True Self in any part of their lives.
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Building Sustainable Relationships

: November 22, 2012 8:44 am : Building Sustainable Relationships, Conflict Resolution: The Partnership Way, Couples Coaching, CR for Couples, Developmental Trauma, Inner Work, Intimate Relationships, Relationship Conflicts, Sustainable Relationships, Training and Webinars

laughing coupleBuilding sustainable relationships requires learning new interpersonal skills, a disciplined commitment and the ability to love unconditionally. There aren’t any magical solutions for building sustainable relationships and lasting love–no quick tricks, fast fixes or fancy maneuvers. We aren’t selling “magical thinking” or magical tools. And the people who are selling this kind of stuff are con artists. We say this not only from our own experiences, each of us now with close to 50 years of married life experiences, but from our 30+ years of counseling hundreds of individuals, couples & families.
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The Search For Intimacy

Janae Weinhold : November 20, 2012 1:07 pm : Addictions, Codependency, Counter Dependency, Couples Coaching, CR for Couples, Developmental Trauma, Relationship Conflicts, Sustainable Relationships

Search for IntimacyThe search for intimacy has reached new heights as more than 40 million lonely Americans used online dating services last year. The search for soul mates and other kinds of “perfect match” partners has caused an explosion of internet match services and social networking sites, showing just how many people are searching for intimacy and connection.
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Twisted Beliefs: The Destructive Consequences of Unexamined Religious and Spiritual Beliefs

: November 17, 2012 7:52 pm : Books, Consciousness, E-Books, Evolutionary Shift, Inner Work, The False Self, Twisted Beliefs Series, Victim Consciousness

Twisted religious and spiritual beliefs can have destructive consequences on our lives. Our beliefs, formed in early childhood, are often and can keep us trapped in cycles of victim/persecutor/rescue dynamics.

The message of Christian churches is that you are a sinner, which is reinforced by church doctrine and dogma. So you are condemned for being a sinner. Then you confess your sins, a minister grants you redemption, and you are saved from eternal damnation. This kind of twisted belief structure can keep you stuck in victimhood forever and create what I call “premature hardening of the categories.”
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Developmental Shock During the Bonding Stage

: October 5, 2012 9:31 am : Children's Mental Health, Clinical Resources, Codependency, Codependency, Conscious Parenting, Developmental Process Work, Developmental Process Work, Developmental Trauma, Developmental Trauma, Developmental Trauma in Children, Healing Developmental Trauma, Healing Developmental Trauma, Our Approach, Our Best Advice, Positive Mental Health for Children, Securely Bonded Children

Shocked babyInfants often experience developmental shock during the bonding stage. When they experience abandonment, abuse or neglect during the bonding stage fall directly into shock states.

Their Mindbodies are so energetically attuned with their caregivers that they are truly devastated when they experience a break in their bonding. They are acutely aware of nonverbal communication with the caregivers–eye contact, their facial expressions, their body language, their voice tone; and the quantity and quality of touch.
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The Secret of Divine Relationships

: April 22, 2012 10:10 am : Couples Coaching, Divine Relationships, Healing Developmental Trauma, Intimate Relationships, Our Developmental Model, Personal Coaching Sessions & Retreats, Sustainable Relationships

The secret of Divine Relationships is synching our conscious mind with our unconscious mind. When these two minds are out of synch, the unconscious mind takes over. Rather than experiencing our divinity in relationships, we are controlled by trauma from the past and disconnected from those closest to us.
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