Families are the foundation of society and create our personal template for giving and receiving love in intimate relationships. Dysfunctional families are caught in intergenerational cycles that pass on dysfunctional family-of-origin patterns. These patterns are driven by very specific kinds of traumas that involve abandonment, abuse and neglect.

Families: The Crucible for Human Evolution

Janae's familyWe believe that families are society’s most important relational structure. Here we learn about ourselves, about others, and about how the world works. Our early family experiences create a relational model or template that we use in all other parts of our lives, particularly in parenting our own children.

Children who grow up in families where the parents are conflicted, are quite likely to experience dysfunctional parenting. In this situation, one child often suffers more, and acts out his or her inner pain as the “identified patient” and becomes the family scapegoat. (See Janae’s conflicted family to the right ~ she’s in the lower left corner.)

Our approach emphasizes the importance of conscious, committed relationships as the primary resource for healing these kinds of unresolved family issues. We believe it is the most effective place for changing dysfunctional relational dynamics anchored in your family-of-origin.

It Takes A Village

We also know that close, committed couple relationships are the best places break free of dysfunctional family-of-origin patterns. In order to do this, however, parents and must have outside support. It not only “takes a village to raise a child,”  it takes a village to support couples who are parenting children. In Western cultures, “village support” has slowly disappeared as families leave their roots and scatter across the country, even the planet.

We dream of helping people create “families of choice” to help fill this void. The information, tools, skills and relational support we share here will help you in this very important effort.


The Drama Triangle & Victim Consciousness

: April 8, 2013 5:25 pm : Breaking Family Patterns:How To Change Your Family Patterns, Codependency, Counter Dependency, Developmental Trauma, Drama Triangle, Intimate Relationships, Our Best Advice, Victim Consciousness

The drama triangle is the name of a psychological and social game that involves indirect and dysfunctional communication. The term, “Drama Triangle,” was first identified in 1968 by Stephen Karpman, an MD who practiced Transational Analysis. The Drama Triangle is now used in psychology and psychotherapy to describe a rotating series of dysfunctional behavioral roles that people use when they are in conflict.
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Sustainable Relationships YouTubes

Janae Weinhold : December 24, 2012 10:16 am : Building Sustainable Relationships, Codependency, Intimate Relationships, Sustainable Relationships

The Weinholds believe that sustainable relationships create a social safety net for people during times of economic uncertainty, political instability and rapid global climate. These videos examine the importance of having a web of relationships that provide social and emotional support during times of rapid change.
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The Flight From Intimacy YouTubes

Janae Weinhold : December 16, 2012 1:17 pm : Counter Dependency, Counter-dependent Stage of Development, Flight from Intimimacy, Inner Work, Intimate Relationships, On Community Relationships, Our Best Advice, Self-Healing, Sustainable Communities, The Flight From Intimacy

The Flight From Intimacy YouTubes identify counterdependency as the result of developmental trauma between the age of 9 and 36 months. This trauma prevents the completion of the “pyschological birth” and a child’s emotional separation from his or her parents.The premise of The Flight From Intimacy is that counterdependency is a set of behaviors that can be changed through inner work, by using effective self-healing tools, through conscious, committed relationships, and through therapy.
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How the False Self Gets Created

: November 27, 2012 9:57 am : Addictions, Codependency, Counter Dependency, Inner Work, Personal Growth, Self-Healing, The False Self

The False Self is an artificial persona that people create very early in life to protect themselves from re-experiencing developmental trauma, shock and stress in close relationships. This False or “public” Self appears polite and well-mannered, and puts on a “show of being real.” Internally, they feel empty, dead or “phoney,” unable to be spontaneous and alive, and to show their True Self in any part of their lives.
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The Search For Intimacy

Janae Weinhold : November 20, 2012 1:07 pm : Addictions, Codependency, Counter Dependency, Couples Coaching, CR for Couples, Developmental Trauma, Relationship Conflicts, Sustainable Relationships

Search for IntimacyThe search for intimacy has reached new heights as more than 40 million lonely Americans used online dating services last year. The search for soul mates and other kinds of “perfect match” partners has caused an explosion of internet match services and social networking sites, showing just how many people are searching for intimacy and connection.
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Counterdependency & Trauma During the Toddler Stage

Janae Weinhold : November 19, 2012 7:47 pm : Children's Mental Health, Counter Dependency, Counter-dependent Stage of Development, Developmental Trauma, Developmental Trauma in Children, Discipline & Self-Regulation, Flight from Intimimacy, Parenting and Childcare, Positive Mental Health, Toddlers & The Terrible Twos

Developmental Trauma During the Toddler Stage of Development

Counterdependency is a set of protective adult behaviors that are caused primarily by developmental trauma between the ages of nine and 36 months—the toddler or “terrible twos” stage of development. During this period of time, children are separating from their mother and the dependency needs they have with her.
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Developmental Shock During the Bonding Stage

: October 5, 2012 9:31 am : Children's Mental Health, Clinical Resources, Codependency, Codependency, Conscious Parenting, Developmental Process Work, Developmental Process Work, Developmental Trauma, Developmental Trauma, Developmental Trauma in Children, Healing Developmental Trauma, Healing Developmental Trauma, Our Approach, Our Best Advice, Positive Mental Health for Children, Securely Bonded Children

Shocked babyInfants often experience developmental shock during the bonding stage. When they experience abandonment, abuse or neglect during the bonding stage fall directly into shock states.

Their Mindbodies are so energetically attuned with their caregivers that they are truly devastated when they experience a break in their bonding. They are acutely aware of nonverbal communication with the caregivers–eye contact, their facial expressions, their body language, their voice tone; and the quantity and quality of touch.
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Insecurely Bonded Children

: January 12, 2012 4:33 pm : Children's Mental Health, Children's Mental Health, Codependency, Codependency, Conscious Parenting, Developmental Trauma, Our Best Advice, Parenting Advice, Parenting and Childcare, Positive Mental Health, Positive Mental Health for Children, Securely Bonded Children, When to Seek Help

Janae B. Weinhold

Insecurely bonded children tend to be anxious, withdrawn, isolated, aggressive, lack confidence, have low self-esteem. They also function at less than optimal levels socially, emotionally, mentally and physically. Insecure bonding is an unsafe and unpredictable state that develops as a result of living in a fear-based environment. It is the primary cause of addictions, attachments to things and the underlying cause of impaired mental health.
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Counter-dependency & The Flight From Intimacy

: January 19, 2010 11:00 am : Building Sustainable Relationships, Counter Dependency, Counter-dependent Stage of Development, Flight from Intimimacy, Intimate Relationships, Our Best Advice, Sustainable Relationships, YouTube Videos

Counter-dependency and the flight from intimacy are a set of avoidance behaviors that protect people from re-experiencing intense emotions related to developmental trauma that happened between the ages of nine and 36 months. These avoidance behaviors are specifically designed to block past memories and emotions from emerging in their present-time relationships. Counterdependency is not a disease. It is a set of protective adult behaviors that are directly related to experiences of neglect, abuse or abandonment during the toddler or “terrible twos” stage of development.
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Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap YouTubes

: January 19, 2010 9:01 am : Codependency, Codependency, Couples Coaching, Developmental Trauma, Intimate Relationships, Our Approach, Our Best Advice, Personal Coaching Sessions & Retreats, Personal Growth Retreats, Self-Healing, YouTube Videos

Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap YouTube identifies co-dependency as the result of developmental trauma during the first nine months of life that prevents the completion of the infant-parent bonding process.The premise of Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap radically challenges the prevailing definition of co-dependency as a permanent, progressive, and incurable addiction. Co-dependency is a set of behaviors that can be changed through inner work, by using effective self-healing tools, through conscious, committed relationships, and through self-help groups such as CODA.
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