These new books from Barry & Janae Weinhold both deepen and expand their developmental approach to human relationships and evolution. They are all Kindle format ebooks available at If you don’t have a Kindle reader device, you can download Amazon’s free Kindle reader software and read their books on your PC, Mac or tablet.

Here’s the link for the free Kindle reader software:

The Servant Leader: What the World Needs Now

Servant Leader front coverThis book presents a radically new approach to leadership at all levels. Drawing on ancient principles first proposed by Lao Tsu, a sixth century B.C. Chinese philosopher, the author presents a new, and refreshing look at what a future world might look like if we had more servant leaders at all levels.

The servant leader doesn’t lead by being in front of people or even behind them. The servant leader leads from within. This book shows those interested in being a servant leader how to work on themselves in order to be effective servant leaders. Anybody can be a servant leader: a dedicated father or mother who make raising their children a top priority; a volunteer who works at a non-profit or church; a business man or women who truly believes serving the customer is good business; an elected official who refuses to take PAC money to get elected. These are a few examples of where a servant leader could help change the world.

The book describes the characteristics of a servant leader and the optimal personal development of this kind of leader. The key to the self-development of the servant leader is his/her ability to create a fully individuated Self. In addition, servant leaders need to integrate both the masculine and feminine sides of their personality. These personal achievements will enable them to truly serve others, without the interference of ego or other manipulations.

The current Presidential Campaign provides a contrast in leadership to that of a servant leader. The author uses examples of policies and statements of these candidates, to illustrate that none of them meet the criteria for a servant leader.

The servant leader is equipped to be a new kind of social activist, who can help overcome the obstacles to a better world. Unlike the social activists of the 60’s and 70’s, the modern servant leader, because of his/her inner focus, leads in a very different way. To become a more effective social activist, the servant leader must first overcome any internal personal and psychological obstacles that would prevent him/her from being effective. Armed with a solid personal/psychological foundation, the servant leader can then address the social, cultural, economic, political, religious, and educational obstacles to creating a better world.

The servant leader needs to change any mistaken beliefs about themselves, other people and the world around them. This includes breaking free of the Matrix beliefs that keep him/her trapped. In addition, the servant leader needs to heal any hidden developmental traumas from childhood, learn how to resolve conflicts effectively and identify any family or cultural patterns of behavior that could undermine his/her effectiveness.

The book is organized by first presenting an overview of servant leadership; what it is and what it isn’t. Then the book describes the optimal personal development of a servant leader. This is followed by a description of some of the various obstacles to overcome. After each chapter that describes obstacles, there is a chapter offering strategies for the servant leader to use as an agent of change to overcome these obstacles.

Chapter Fourteen focuses on how to become a servant leader. Chapter Fifteen, the last chapter, focuses on what the world might look like if we had more effective servant leaders change agents at all levels.

The Essential Qualities of A Servant Leader

  • Being Self-Reflective
  • Using Self-Correction Skills
  • Employing Good Listening Skills
  • Having Empathy
  • Healing of Self and Others
  • Being Aware
  • Being Persuasive
  • Utilizing Conceptualization Skills
  • Displaying Foresight
  • Having Stewardship
  • Committing to the Growth of People
  • Giving and Receiving Unconditional Love
  • Using Restorative Justice Discipline Methods
  • Building Community

 Self-Quiz: Are You Ready To Become a Servant Leader?

Directions: Place the number in front of each item that best represents your experience with that item. Key: 1 = Not at all; 2 = Occasionally true; 3 = Usually true; 4 = Most of the Time.

__1. I enjoy meeting new people.
__2. I know things without having to figure them out.
__3. I find watching television or most of the mainstream media,  including newspapers a waste of time.
__4. Stating something that I know is a lie is impossible for me.
__5. I root for the underdog, those without voices, and those who have been  trapped by the Matrix.
__6. I pick up on others symptoms or pain and feel them in myself.
__7. I get tired of taking on other people’s emotions.
__8. I turn to drugs or alcohol to try to block myself from feeling the pain of others.
__9. I am interested in becoming a healer.
__10. I see future possibilities before others do.
__11. I require more solitude than others do.
__12. I am a creative person.
__13. I get easily bored but I am quite good at entertaining myself.
__14. I have a difficult time doing things that I don’t really enjoy.
__15. I enjoy bringing the truth to light.
__16. I have trouble keeping track of time and I can get lost in what I am doing.
__17. I hate routine.
__18. I disagree with those in authority.
__19. I am kind to others.
__20. I do not enjoy being with people who are obsessed with themselves.
__21. I eat vegan or vegetarian food.
__22. I wear my emotions of my sleeve and have a hard time pretending to be happy, if I am not feeling that way.
__23. I enjoy helping others to bring out their unique gifts.
__24. I regard spirituality as an important part of my life.
__25. I place my psychological well-being on the same plane as my physical well-being.
__26. I volunteer for one or more good causes.
__27. I love nature and spend time and energy trying to take care of  my environment.
__28. I am more optimistic about my future and distrust cynical and pessimistic views of the future.
__29. I want to be involved in creating new and better ways of living for other people in the world.
__30. I can see how what happened to me as a child has affected my adult life.
____ Total Score

Interpretation of Scores:

30-60 – Very few servant leader qualities present.
61- 90 – Good servant leader potential.
91-120 – You are already there. Congratulations.

This book is available for purchase at Amazon in both eBook and print versions. The eBook version sells for $3.99 and the print version sells for $15.

The Male Mother: The Missing Skill Set in Fathers.MM front cover framed

This book is the first in a series of four books aimed at helping men develop and integrate their feminine side. The culture has emphasized the masculine side of men and devalued the feminine side.

This has left many fathers, who may want to be a vital part of raising their kids, without the nurturing skills necessary to do the job. I have yet to meet a father who honestly said they were pleased with their performance as a father. Most men secretly carry regrets, guilt and shame over the admittedly poor job they did parenting their children. This book will help fathers be more confident and effective in raising their children.

One feature of the book is a description of four essential initiations that fathers need to perform to ensure their children grow up to be mature, responsible adults. The book shows fathers how to facilitate the completion of key developmental processes necessary for optimal growth and well-being. The essential male mother skills are described below.

What Are the Essential Male Mother Skills?

What are the essential male mother skills that you as a father need to impart in order to be able to help your children become mature individuated persons? Those skills are as follows:

  • You have the ability to create and model for your children a lifestyle that emphasizes life-giving beliefs and behaviors toward humans, plants, animals and all that are vulnerable and dependent. This serves as a protective function.
  • You possess the skills to demonstrate for your children how to use their personal power wisely. You will teach them through your interactions with them how to avoid taking the life force of others in any way. This means they will not have to utilize behaviors such as domination, threats, manipulation, exploitation and acts of violence in order to meet their needs.
  • You have the skills to use your mind and heart at the same time so you can resolve difficult situations in such a way that your children learn to do it as well.
  • You are able to express genuine sorrow about the suffering they and others experience in such a way that your children learn how to suffer.
  • You display genuine empathy toward your children when they are experiencing deep emotions.
  • You speak and act in ways that nurture the development of your children’s highest good.
  • You are able to look your children in the eyes and can connect with them, even at a soul level.
  • You show compassion toward your children even when they oppose you or express negative feelings toward you.
  • You forgive your children’s failings, without judgment or shame.
  • You seek peaceful resolution of any conflicts with your children and take into account their needs when resolving conflicts.
  • You are comfortable with appropriate physical, mental and emotional intimacy with your children, and do not erect barriers to these experiences.
  • You can negotiate effectively with your children to get your needs met, without diminishing their needs.
  • You can access to the wisdom of the heart or, your intuition, and are able to show your children how to use this skill in guiding their lives.
  • You are able to quickly regulate your emotional state when you are upset by a triggering event involving your children.
  • You can receive what your children say and do without resistance or judgment.
  • You are able to give emotional support, mirroring an unconditional love to your children rather than just giving them advice.
  • You can take charge of your life without feeling guilt or shame, and teach your children how to do the same. A crucial skill to teach your children.

Purchase this book at Amazon. It is in both eBook and Print-On-Demand formats. The eBook format is only $3.99 and the Print-On-Demand version sells for $14.95.

Here is an in-depth interview of Barry about why he wrote the The Male Mother book.

First the podcast video promo:

And the complete podcast (47 minutes):

Click below to play

Breaking Free: How To Identify and Change Your Addictive Family Patterns

Breaking Free Of Addictive Family Patterns is a classic in the self-help book market. It was first released in 1987 Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00073]and has gone through five other editions before this expanded edition. Thousands of folks, like you, have read the book and sent me reports about how much it helped them. Here is what some of them wrote:

Comments By Readers

“I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in learning how their family of origin has impacted their life. Barry shows us with kindness and caring how we can move forward and have a more productive and healthy life.” C. H.

Another reader wrote: “The author clearly teaches you how to separate yourself from the issue and gives you the steps to move forward and be the healthy adult you should be. I can say that this helped me very much and would recommend it to anyone whether they have dysfunction in their homes or not!” A. R.

Finally, this reader put it succinctly: “Read this book if you want real change, I recommend it with my full heart.” A. B.

Every adult exhibits some addictive family patterns. These are so common that they go unnoticed, until something disrupts your life that clearly originated in your family of origin. This book will help you understand why this happens to everybody and what to do about it.

The  Most Common Problems Resulting From Unrecognized Family Patterns

Here are the most common relationship problems that are the result of the Addictive Family Patterns discussed in this book.This book describes 12 addictive patterns of behavior that interfere with sustaining your relationships.

Do you:

  • Need the approval of your partner in order to feel good about yourself?
  • Feel trapped in your relationship?
  • Wait for your partner to change in order to feel better?
  • Feel unappreciated and unseen by your partner?
  • Walk on eggs so your partner won’t criticize you?
  • Find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous?
  • Have conflicts that remind you of those you experienced growing up?
  • Feel like your partner is treating you like you were treated growing up?
  • See parts of your parent’s relationship in your current relationship?
  • Have trouble enjoying sex the way you would like to?
  • Criticize your partner the way you were criticized by your parents?
  • Not understand your family’s death pattern?

If you struggle with these kinds of issues in your relationships, this book will help you change them. Each one of twelve family patterns are discussed.  Each pattern has writing exercises to help you examine how these intergenerational family patterns are currently affecting your relationships and your life.

I have worked with thousands of adults in my private practice as a psychologist and this is where I usually start with a new client. I ask them to connect the dots and identify what didn’t get finished for them while growing up that still interferes with them having harmonious relationships. When these things show up in your adult relationships, it is a good sign that you are ready to change. This book shows you how to do that.

This book is available as an e-Book through Amazon/Kindle for $3.99 and as a paperback book through Amazon/ClearSpace for $14.95.

Barry’s Breaking Family Patterns e-book series:

Breaking Family Patterns by Barry Weinhold


Book One, How to Identify Your Family Patterns presents 12 common relational patterns that unconsciously replay in all families and are the primary cause of human suffering. These dysfunctional, addictive family patterns often lay dormant until adulthood, when they begin to interfere with intimacy in relationships.

This book contains many exercises, inventories and self-awareness activities to help you break free of the intergenerational legacy of attitudes and behaviors family patterns carry with them.The author believes that these unconscious patterns are factors in emotional, sexual and physical child abuse and neglect; all crimes of violence; all addictions, including eating disorders, alcoholism, and drug abuse; teenage suicides; all unhappy adult relationships; and perhaps all illnesses.

Book Two, Breaking Family Patterns: How To Change Your Family Patterns, is part of a four e-book series on Building Sustainable Relationships. Book One helps you identify the intergenerational behavior patterns that can disrupt your adult relationships. Once you have identified these patterns, you need to know how to change them. Book Two shows you how to change them. You learned these behaviors while growing up and they helped you survive childhood hopefully with minimum damage. Unfortunately, if they are not changed they will ruin you adult relationships. This book contains Barry’s story about how he changed his family patterns.

Janae’s Con Job ebook series:

This series of mind-stretching books is designed to help you take charge of your life by lifting you out of the fog created by your personal and collective histories. Once you know what is real and what is illusion, you can make choices that free you from being a victim and from the influence of con artists, sociopaths and predators.

Con Job #1 series


Breaking Free of Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators is a “101 introductory” book that tells how to identify con artists, sociopaths and predators. It presents a simple framework for understanding these complicated people. It uses the Avatar movie as a framework for understanding the differences between Life-Giving and Life-Taking. This book also describes some of the author’s encounters with con artists, sociopaths and predators.

A ruthless Warrior for Truth and Seeker of the Shadow, Janae shares stories about her journey to know the difference between what is real and what is illusion. She talks about her decision to “get smart” rather than be a victim.

how to spot con artists


How To Spot Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators is “about the problem.” It identifies a spectrum of con artists, including psychopaths, narcissists & emotional manipulators. It will help you distinguish between them and understand why they are the way they are. This book also describes the most common con game ever–The Ponzi Scheme–used by stockbroker Bernie Who Madoff with everyone’s money. It also shows what makes people like us vulnerable to these kinds of con games.

This book looks at con artists in institutions–banks & financing, churches, youth workers & coaches, schools & universities, main stream media, the environment and politics and government. It also looks at how institutions use propaganda and Mindf*ck techniques to control the flow of information as part of a larger con job. It also discusses the “big player” con artists known as the Global Elite who conspire (or “breathe together”) to manage and control life on Earth.


How To Protect Yourself

How To Protect Yourself From Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators is about “the solution.” It tells how to protect yourself from con artists, psychopaths and predators. It  describes how con artists are created and looks at the role of early trauma as a factor in their development. It also examines the role of the social and cultural environment in creating con artists, sociopaths and predators.

This book will help you look at how you grew up and to recognize dysfunctional family patterns and experiences that might make you an easy target for con artists. It also looks at how the structure of American society not only protects con artists, but also makes them examples of “success” and the fulfillment of the “American Dream.”

You’ll learn many things you can do to protect yourself from relational, institutional and societal predators. It specifically focuses on how to protect children from predators, a growing concern for today’s parents.

In the last part of this book, Janae shares eleven of stories (there are more!) about her own encounters with con artists, sociopaths and predators. This chapter ends with a summary of what she has learned from her experiences and frames it a way that she hopes will inspire you.

VC -Drama Triangle book coverBarry & Janae’s book, Breaking Free of Victim Consciousness and the Drama Triangle.

The Drama Triangle is an interpersonal communication dynamic so embedded in human consciousness and social interactions that we call it “the only game in town.” The term, Drama Triangle, was first identified in 1968 by Stephen Karpman, an MD who practiced Transational Analysis. The Drama Triangle model is now used in psychology and psychotherapy to describe a rotating series of behavioral roles that people use when they are in conflict.

Drama Triangle mind games play out in groups of people who see themselves as “victims” and operate in Victim Consciousness. The Drama Triangle involves a series of convolconvoluted power and control games between the Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. In this game, you can only get your needs met when you are in the Victim role.

This book describes how this game works and explains the “payoff” that game players get in each role. Most importantly, it tells you how to exit the Drama Triangle.

Barry Weinhold’s Twisted Beliefs ebook Series.

Twisted beliefs book cover #1This four ebook series was published starting in Spring 2013!  The first book, Twisted Beliefs: Why Smart People Suffer From Premature Hardening Of The Categories,  shows you how your hidden beliefs control your behavior and keep you repeating self-defeating behavior patterns.

The books in this series also trace the history of twisted religious beliefs and their impact on civilization as well as documenting how human predators with twisted beliefs have taken over parts of our country. After you have identified any twists in your beliefs, the books show you how to take out these twists. Finally, the books help you move “beyond your beliefs” as a way of deciding your course of action to learning how to rely on your “inner knowing” to guide your life.These books are e-books and are available for Amazon/Kindle.


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