These new books from Barry & Janae Weinhold both deepen and expand their developmental approach to human relationships and evolution. They are all Kindle format ebooks available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle reader device, you can download Amazon’s free Kindle reader software and read their books on your PC, Mac or tablet.

Here’s the link for the free Kindle reader software

Twisted Beliefs Series Book #1: Twisted Beliefs: Distorting the Lines Between Fantasy and Reality 

Twisted Beliefs, Distorting The Lines Between Fantasy and Reality is the first book in a series of four books titled the Twisted Beliefs Series. This first book is about the power of your personal and collective beliefs to control and distort your life and relationships. Most people form their core beliefs before the age of 10 and they persist into adulthood, unless we examine them and change them. If your beliefs are twisted in any way, they can lead you to make poor decisions and engage in self-defeating behaviors.

You need to know under what circumstances you formed your beliefs, what caused them to possibly become twisted or distorted, and how you can change any beliefs that no longer serve you. These are beliefs you hold about who you are and what motivates you, who all those other people are and what motivates them and how the world works. This includes your religious, political and social beliefs. They are what is behind all the ways you use to get your needs met, for better or worse.

If your behaviors turn out to be self-defeating or do not get you what you want or need, in order to change the outcome. You will have to examine your beliefs and change those beliefs that you find are causing your self-defeating or dysfunctional behaviors. Most people do not connect their behaviors to their beliefs. So if their behaviors are self-defeating or don’t result in them getting their needs met, most people just try harder to get their behaviors to produce better results.

This strategy rarely works because every twisted or distorted belief produces a distorted and self-defeating behavior. This only leads to more frustration and perhaps a confirmation of a deep-seated fundamental twisted belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Below are some common self-defeating and destructive behaviors and the possible underlying twisted beliefs that drive these behaviors:

  1. Repeatedly picking a relationship or marriage partners that end up with you getting abused and then going back to the same person or similar people over and over again for the same abuse.
  • I hate myself.
  • There is something wrong with me that I cannot fix.
  • It is too risky to ask others directly to help me get my needs met, I might get rejected.
  • I don’t measure up; I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, etc. to succeed.
  • People take advantage of me.
  • I don’t know why, but everybody always seems to pick on me.
  • I have to avoid conflict at all costs.
  • If I give them enough love, they will love me back.
  1. Voting for the same political candidates repeatedly whose stated agenda is clearly counter to protecting and advancing your needs.
  • Other people are much smarter than I am, therefore I need to listen to what they tell me to do.
  • I trust that politicians will do what they say they will do.
  • You just have to be lucky or know somebody in order to get ahead.
  • I don’t measure up; I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, etc. to succeed.
  • The richest and most successful in our society are the fittest to survive and therefore are the ones who should be allowed to make decisions for others.
  1. Living far beyond your means, believing there will never be a time you will have to pay for anything.
  • I am so much smarter than everybody, so I don’t have to listen to anything others tell me.
  • You just have to be lucky or know somebody in order to get ahead.
  • When I became an adult, I left behind me all the bad things that happened to me when I was a child.
  • The richest and most successful in our society are the fittest to survive and therefore should make the best decisions for others.
  • You have to beat others to the punch in order to get ahead.
  • If you don’t get them first, they will get you instead.
  1. Never letting others really get to know you and putting up barriers to intimacy in relationships.
  • I have to avoid conflict at all costs.
  • If people really got to know me they would reject me.
  • When I became an adult, I left behind me all the bad things that happened to me when I was a child.
  • I have to tell others what I think they want to hear or they will reject me.
  • I am so much smarter than everybody else that I don’t have to listen to anything others tell me.
  • Deep down I hate myself
  • People are lazy and stupid and are motivated solely by fear.
  1. Repeating the same mistakes over and over in your life without knowing how to change your actions.
  • I can’t ask directly for help from other in getting my needs me, I might get rejected.
  • I don’t measure up; I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, etc. to succeed.
  • Other people know more than I do and therefore I have to do what they tell to do.
  • I am just unlucky; others get all the breaks and I never do.
  • People take advantage of me.
  • Deep down I hate myself.
  • There is something wrong with me that I cannot fix.
  1. Acting like you are smarter than everybody else and therefore always trying to manipulate and trick them into giving you things that you want or need.
  • I am so much smarter than everybody else that I don’t have to listen to anything others tell me.
  • The richest and most successful in our society are the fittest to survive and therefore are the ones who should be allowed to make decisions for others.
  • You have to beat others to the punch in order to get ahead.
  • If you don’t get them first, they will get you instead.
  • When I became an adult, I left behind me all the bad things that happened to me when I was a child.
  • People are lazy and stupid and are motivated solely by fear.

These are powerful beliefs that can get you in a lot of trouble. The problem is that if you do not know that the source of your troubles is some twisted belief, you can’t change your behaviors. You get caught in the tangled web of twisted beliefs and self-defeating behaviors. You may also hang around other people who hold similar twisted beliefs, so you may conclude that this is the only way to think about yourself, other people and the world around you. Even though you see others doing similar self-defeating things, you also may believe that “misery loves company” and you are content to just suffer along with them.

Betrayal and the Path of the Heart

This book is about betrayal—the breaking of primal trust, the loss of childhood innocence, and separation. It became an issue for us when we recognized that betrayal trauma from our early childhood affected our ability to sustain intimacy. So we put “betrayal” into our LOVE-a-tory and really studied it.  And then we wrote this short, practical book to share with you what we learned in this sometimes painful, but freeing process.

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE: BETRAYAL AND THE PATH OF THE HEART

CHAPTER TWO: EARLY CHILDHOOD BETRAYALS

CHAPTER THREE: CHILDHOOD SEXUAL BETRAYALS AS SOUL WOUNDS

CHAPTER FOUR: BETRAYALS IN COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS

CHAPTER FIVE: COLLECTIVE BETRAYALS

CHAPTER SIX: UNDERSTANDING THE LONG-TERM EFFECT OF CHILDHOOD BETRAYALS

CHAPTER SEVEN: HOW BETRAYAL TRAUMA CAN DISRUPT YOUR LIFE

CHAPTER EIGHT: TOOLS FOR HEALING BETRAYAL TRAUMA

CHAPTER NINE: HEALING BETRAYALS AS THE PATH TO INDIVIDUATION

CHAPTER TEN: HEALING COLLECTIVE BETRAYALS

The Servant Leader: What the World Needs Now

Servant Leader front coverThis book presents a radically new approach to leadership at all levels. Drawing on ancient principles first proposed by Lao Tsu, a sixth century B.C. Chinese philosopher, the author presents a new, and refreshing look at what a future world might look like if we had more servant leaders at all levels.

The servant leader doesn’t lead by being in front of people or even behind them. The servant leader leads from within. This book shows those interested in being a servant leader how to work on themselves in order to be effective servant leaders. Anybody can be a servant leader: a dedicated father or mother who make raising their children a top priority; a volunteer who works at a non-profit or church; a business man or women who truly believes serving the customer is good business; an elected official who refuses to take PAC money to get elected. These are a few examples of where a servant leader could help change the world.

The book describes the characteristics of a servant leader and the optimal personal development of this kind of leader. The key to the self-development of the servant leader is his/her ability to create a fully individuated Self. In addition, servant leaders need to integrate both the masculine and feminine sides of their personality. These personal achievements will enable them to truly serve others, without the interference of ego or other manipulations.

The current Presidential Campaign provides a contrast in leadership to that of a servant leader. The author uses examples of policies and statements of these candidates, to illustrate that none of them meet the criteria for a servant leader.

The servant leader is equipped to be a new kind of social activist, who can help overcome the obstacles to a better world. Unlike the social activists of the 60’s and 70’s, the modern servant leader, because of his/her inner focus, leads in a very different way. To become a more effective social activist, the servant leader must first overcome any internal personal and psychological obstacles that would prevent him/her from being effective. Armed with a solid personal/psychological foundation, the servant leader can then address the social, cultural, economic, political, religious, and educational obstacles to creating a better world.

The servant leader needs to change any mistaken beliefs about themselves, other people and the world around them. This includes breaking free of the Matrix beliefs that keep him/her trapped. In addition, the servant leader needs to heal any hidden developmental traumas from childhood, learn how to resolve conflicts effectively and identify any family or cultural patterns of behavior that could undermine his/her effectiveness.

The book is organized by first presenting an overview of servant leadership; what it is and what it isn’t. Then the book describes the optimal personal development of a servant leader. This is followed by a description of some of the various obstacles to overcome. After each chapter that describes obstacles, there is a chapter offering strategies for the servant leader to use as an agent of change to overcome these obstacles.

Chapter Fourteen focuses on how to become a servant leader. Chapter Fifteen, the last chapter, focuses on what the world might look like if we had more effective servant leaders change agents at all levels.

The Essential Qualities of A Servant Leader

  • Being Self-Reflective
  • Using Self-Correction Skills
  • Employing Good Listening Skills
  • Having Empathy
  • Healing of Self and Others
  • Being Aware
  • Being Persuasive
  • Utilizing Conceptualization Skills
  • Displaying Foresight
  • Having Stewardship
  • Committing to the Growth of People
  • Giving and Receiving Unconditional Love
  • Using Restorative Justice Discipline Methods
  • Building Community

 Self-Quiz: Are You Ready To Become a Servant Leader?

Directions: Place the number in front of each item that best represents your experience with that item. Key: 1 = Not at all; 2 = Occasionally true; 3 = Usually true; 4 = Most of the Time.

__1. I enjoy meeting new people.
__2. I know things without having to figure them out.
__3. I find watching television or most of the mainstream media,  including newspapers a waste of time.
__4. Stating something that I know is a lie is impossible for me.
__5. I root for the underdog, those without voices, and those who have been  trapped by the Matrix.
__6. I pick up on others symptoms or pain and feel them in myself.
__7. I get tired of taking on other people’s emotions.
__8. I turn to drugs or alcohol to try to block myself from feeling the pain of others.
__9. I am interested in becoming a healer.
__10. I see future possibilities before others do.
__11. I require more solitude than others do.
__12. I am a creative person.
__13. I get easily bored but I am quite good at entertaining myself.
__14. I have a difficult time doing things that I don’t really enjoy.
__15. I enjoy bringing the truth to light.
__16. I have trouble keeping track of time and I can get lost in what I am doing.
__17. I hate routine.
__18. I disagree with those in authority.
__19. I am kind to others.
__20. I do not enjoy being with people who are obsessed with themselves.
__21. I eat vegan or vegetarian food.
__22. I wear my emotions of my sleeve and have a hard time pretending to be happy, if I am not feeling that way.
__23. I enjoy helping others to bring out their unique gifts.
__24. I regard spirituality as an important part of my life.
__25. I place my psychological well-being on the same plane as my physical well-being.
__26. I volunteer for one or more good causes.
__27. I love nature and spend time and energy trying to take care of  my environment.
__28. I am more optimistic about my future and distrust cynical and pessimistic views of the future.
__29. I want to be involved in creating new and better ways of living for other people in the world.
__30. I can see how what happened to me as a child has affected my adult life.
____ Total Score

Interpretation of Scores:

30-60 – Very few servant leader qualities present.
61- 90 – Good servant leader potential.
91-120 – You are already there. Congratulations.

This book is available for purchase at Amazon in both eBook and print versions. The eBook version sells for $3.99 and the print version sells for $15.

The Male Mother: The Missing Skill Set in Fathers.MM front cover framed

This book is the first in a series of four books aimed at helping men develop and integrate their feminine side. The culture has emphasized the masculine side of men and devalued the feminine side.

This has left many fathers, who may want to be a vital part of raising their kids, without the nurturing skills necessary to do the job. I have yet to meet a father who honestly said they were pleased with their performance as a father. Most men secretly carry regrets, guilt and shame over the admittedly poor job they did parenting their children. This book will help fathers be more confident and effective in raising their children.

One feature of the book is a description of four essential initiations that fathers need to perform to ensure their children grow up to be mature, responsible adults. The book shows fathers how to facilitate the completion of key developmental processes necessary for optimal growth and well-being. The essential male mother skills are described below.

What Are the Essential Male Mother Skills?

What are the essential male mother skills that you as a father need to impart in order to be able to help your children become mature individuated persons? Those skills are as follows:

  • You have the ability to create and model for your children a lifestyle that emphasizes life-giving beliefs and behaviors toward humans, plants, animals and all that are vulnerable and dependent. This serves as a protective function.
  • You possess the skills to demonstrate for your children how to use their personal power wisely. You will teach them through your interactions with them how to avoid taking the life force of others in any way. This means they will not have to utilize behaviors such as domination, threats, manipulation, exploitation and acts of violence in order to meet their needs.
  • You have the skills to use your mind and heart at the same time so you can resolve difficult situations in such a way that your children learn to do it as well.
  • You are able to express genuine sorrow about the suffering they and others experience in such a way that your children learn how to suffer.
  • You display genuine empathy toward your children when they are experiencing deep emotions.
  • You speak and act in ways that nurture the development of your children’s highest good.
  • You are able to look your children in the eyes and can connect with them, even at a soul level.
  • You show compassion toward your children even when they oppose you or express negative feelings toward you.
  • You forgive your children’s failings, without judgment or shame.
  • You seek peaceful resolution of any conflicts with your children and take into account their needs when resolving conflicts.
  • You are comfortable with appropriate physical, mental and emotional intimacy with your children, and do not erect barriers to these experiences.
  • You can negotiate effectively with your children to get your needs met, without diminishing their needs.
  • You can access to the wisdom of the heart or, your intuition, and are able to show your children how to use this skill in guiding their lives.
  • You are able to quickly regulate your emotional state when you are upset by a triggering event involving your children.
  • You can receive what your children say and do without resistance or judgment.
  • You are able to give emotional support, mirroring an unconditional love to your children rather than just giving them advice.
  • You can take charge of your life without feeling guilt or shame, and teach your children how to do the same. A crucial skill to teach your children.

Purchase this book at Amazon. It is in both eBook and Print-On-Demand formats. The eBook format is only $3.99 and the Print-On-Demand version sells for $14.95.

Here is an in-depth interview of Barry about why he wrote the The Male Mother book.

First the podcast video promo:

And the complete podcast (47 minutes):

Click below to play

 

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