tending with childPeople are either life-givers or life-takers. Life-givers are relationally-oriented and have open compassionate hearts. Life-takers have closed hearts and are don’t care about the welfare of others.


Life-givers give life. This instinct is so much a part of them that they don’t even think about it. They just respond instinctively to innocence, vulnerability and Source energy by touching, holding, feeding, empowering and supporting. This gives them their greatest joy.


  • have a conscience and open open hearts
  • able to connect easily with Nature—animals, birds, children and plants
  • do “tending”— giving ongoing care, nourishment and support to growing things.
  • have well-defined values and make choices based on their conscience.
  • weigh things inside themselves to determine their courses of action
  • have values based on religious or universal spiritual principles.

Life-givers are empathic and find joy in “feminine” activities involving nurturing, watching and supporting incremental growth in living things. It may be like watching seeds slowly grow into full and productive plants. Or observing and marking children’s milestones: crawling, creeping, walking, language development and learning self-care. They find deep satisfaction in helping children know and understand themselves.

Many life-giving people, such as teachers, ministers, social workers, environmentalists, healthcare providers, law enforcement officers, military and government, work in institutions where they “tend” on a large scale. While their life-giving efforts are centered in institutional settings, these people often value collaborating with others who have similar worldviews.

Life-givers are often passionate about creating structures and safety nets to support people during critical life passages. This is particularly true of those who work with young children, elders, the dying or have special needs.


Life-takers take life, “use” people and become con artists, sociopaths and predators. Life-takers are unable to connect with their own life-giving forces that generate opportunities based on social and emotional support. In fact, they are repulsed by the energy of life-giving. It can even trigger an urge in them to kill something or someone who is soft, vulnerable, innocent or feminine.

  • lack consciences
  • are are more power and information oriented
  • are often rigid and critical
  • tend to be more cautious, suspicious and even paranoid, because they do not trust other people
  • have difficulty in connecting with Nature
  • take pleasure, even delight, in destroying life
  • lack empathy and the ability to walk in other people shoes,
  • make choices based on their own interests.
  • are determined to get what they want,
  • use manipulation, intimidation, coercion and sleight of hand.
  • are highly skilled at identifying the values and principles of those they prey on
  • pretend to adhere to them so they can manipulate the outcomes of their interactions.

Avatar life takerLife-takers are typically mystified by “tenders” behavior. It makes no sense to them, as they see tending as a waste of time—weak, “wimpy” and too feminine. Life-takers also look down on process-oriented people who live in the flow of life, seeing them as lacking focus and direction.

As children, life-taking adults, often experienced pleasure in killing insects, and hurting pets or more vulnerable children. Lacking an open and compassionate heart that kept them anchored them in the ebb and flow of life, they compensated by taking what they wanted. They may have done this openly and directly, or indirectly through various forms of deceit and manipulation.

Life-takers have also twisted authentic patriarchal concepts about “healthy fathering.” They substitute pathological hierarchical structures to control, dominate and manage the “stupid” and “inept” life-givers.

Life-givers’ Blind Spot

loving a rockPerhaps the most confounding trait of life-givers is their inability to recognize the people, situations, social structures and institutions that are actively involved in and committed to taking life. It is as though their hearts and souls are so immersed in life-giving that the idea of taking life is totally foreign.

When life-givers encounter those who are life-takers, they recognize them as different. What they often do, however, is exactly the wrong thing: they mobilize a personal campaign to “reform” life-takers by flooding them with love, care, nurturing and kindness. Life-givers believe that if they can just give life-takers enough love, they’ll be cured of their misery. Wrong.

Trying to cure life-takers of their cold-hearted worldview is like trying to get a rock to love you back.
Rocks don’t have the emotions or the biochemistry or the hormones that are necessary for loving you back. And neither do life-takers. Love and affection just isn’t wired into them. Period.

Take it from me, the voice of experience and save yourself a lot of suffering!

Educate Yourself: Read the Con Job ebook Series or buy the print book!

We all were exposed to con artists, sociopaths and predators as a child. They’re everywhere! So it’s time to educate yourself about these folks.
Janae’s 3-part ebook Con Job series will help!

Con Job ebook series by Janae WeinholdBook #1, Breaking Free of Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators, gives a overview of life-givers and life-takers, and helps you understand more about who these people.

Book #2, How to Spot Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators, is a lot about “the problem.” It looks at institutional con artists who hide out in banks, churches, schools, politics, media and the government. It also looks at male and female relational con artists, sexual predators as well as those who prey on children and the elderly. And it also contains eleven stories about my own encounters with con artists, sociopaths and predators.

Book #3, How to Protect Yourself from Con Artists, Sociopaths & Predators, is about “the solution.” It describes how trauma helps create con artists, how to raise children who become life-givers, and examines the social, religious and political conditions that help create con artists.

It begins by looking at questions such as:
Why do these people have twisted psyches that drive them to lie, play games and hurt others? Why?
Are they sick, crazy or stupid?
Why is it dangerous to be nice to con artists, sociopaths & predators?

Here’s the link to print book containing all three parts and also available in Kindle version.


Further Reading:

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